A True Test of Friendship
by BeethovenRIP
Summary: What happens when a shout goes wrong? What consequences will their be? What happens when one person has to rely on their best friend for absolutely everything? A rock solid friendship is tested to the limits here as one has to nurse the other to recovery. Will it survive? Please Read and Review x
1. Chapter 1

'3006 all received and mobile over.' Dixie jumped into the ambulance next to Jeff as he sped out of the yard towards the incident.

'What have we got then Dix?'

'Explosion at the shopping centre, multiple injuries and entrapments. Fire crews are on the way to help us out.'

'Bloody hell, do they know what caused it?' Jeff asked as he continued to weave in and out of the traffic.

'No idea mate, won't know until we get there I guess.'

The drive was quite short and silent as they both tried to visualise what the scene would look like. Jeff pulled the ambulance up into the busy car park noticing that the fire crew were nowhere to be seen.

'Bloody typical, we are first again.' Dixie muttered going to the back of the ambulance to get their helmets and medical kit. 'Right Jeff, no heroics please, let's get cracking.'

Jeff took his helmet and bag from his partner as the pair ran towards the building as another explosion took hold stopping them dead in their tracks. The eerie silence being broken by screams.

'Dix we need to do something, there are people in there.' Jeff yelled at his partner who had frozen to the spot. 'Dix, snap out of it mate. We need to help.'

Dixie took a few seconds to survey the scene that was unfolding in front of them. She took in the flames, the dense smoke, the creaking building. Every part of her was screaming at her to stop, it was far from safe for them to do anything, however she had to do something to help. It was her job to help.

Jeff stood there watching on, he knew Dixie was assessing the situation but the screaming was getting too much for him to bare. He had to go and help even if it meant putting himself in danger. At worst he would get a serious dressing down, at best he could save someone, that is what mattered more to him, saving people.

'Dix, I am going in.' Jeff shouted at his partner as he started to head off.

'No Jeff come back it is not safe.'

'Dix we need to get in there and help not waste time assessing and procrastinating over what to do.' Jeff waited a few seconds for Dixie to reply, when she did not he let out an audible sigh before spinning on his heel.

'JEFFREY COLLIER GET BACK HERE NOW.' Dixie shouted at her partner who ignored her running off towards the building. She felt helpless, he is her partner, she should go in with him but she was needed here to direct and take charge of the various crews as they arrived. Dixie hoped Jeff would be OK making a mental note to really lay into him later on. Taking a deep breath making sure her radio was on she turned on her heel heading towards the gathering crowd of fire crews and other ambulances.

Meanwhile Jeff was fighting his way through the fallen debris searching for people who needed him.

'HELLO, PARAMEDIC, CAN ANYONE HEAR ME?' Jeff shouted as loud as he could. Nothing. Jeff did not give up moving further into the burning building. He continued to look around although the smoke was making visibility hard and Jeff could feel his chest tightening. He could imagine Dixie telling him to get out, but his job was to save lives - that is what he was going to do, even if it killed him.

He moved further on, 'HELLO, PARAMEDIC, ANYONE THERE?'

Jeff continued to look around searching for people. It should have been jam packed with people making the most of the sales, why hadn't he come across anyone yet? As much as he was puzzled by this, his own breathing was getting hard. Jeff began coughing, deep down he knew he could not last much longer in here.

He was just about ready to admit defeat when he saw someone lying on the floor. Jeff forgot his own struggle to breath running over to the motionless body.

'Hello mate, I'm Jeff, I'm a paramedic. Can you tell me where it hurts?'

The man stirred looking up at Jeff, 'My leg, I think it is broken.'

Jeff looked down noticing the mans right leg was in a bad way. He did not have a frac pac with him but was confident he could get the man out safely and into the care of someone else while he came back in. He knew Dixie would disapprove but he did not care, he needed to help.

'OK mate, I am going to get you out of here to my partner who is gonna help OK?'

The man nodded at Jeff as he slowly helped him up to a sitting position before supporting him as he got to his feet. Jeff placed the mans arm over his shouldet before placing his own arm around the mans upper torso to take the weight. Jeff began to slowly guide them out but the smoke had become so dense that he could not see or remember the way out. Jeff was finding it harder to breath but he had to remain focussed on getting his patient out to safety.

As Jeff rounded a corner maintaining a firm grip on his patient a loud cracking noise appeared above his head. Jeff looked up just in time to see the ceiling come down on them trapping them underneath.

Jeff could feel pain soaring through his body as consciousness slowly left him, smoke inhalation had got too much, he had no choice but to close his eyes.

Outside Dixie had finished giving her orders, walking wounded had found themselves wandering out for help and the fire crew was busy making the structure safe. Still no sign of Jeff. She was getting concerned. She tried to busy herself with patients but it was no use, she was worried.

She had good reason to be worried as she heard another explosion watching on in horror as the side of the building came down. Dixie scrambled around for her radio, 'Jeff mate can you hear me?'

Silence.

'Jeff?'

Silence again.

'Jeffrey are you OK?'

The silence was worrying her, he was in there somewhere, she just hoped he was still alive. Everything slowed down for her as she knelt on the floor beside a patient looking on as fire crews ran full pelt towards the rapidly collapsing buiding. Dixie was never one to pray, but she did then.

'God, please let him be safe. Please let him come out in one piece. Please God, let Jeff be OK.'

_**A/N - Well there is chapter one. I hope you enjoyed reading it, please leave a review if you will. Thank you to Raven Shadowrose who gave me the confidence to post this fic, I hope I do it justice. Not sure when chapter two will be up yet but I will also be posting a second fic soon as well as update Violation. Thank God for annual leave! **_

_**Happy Christmas to you all. x**_


	2. Chapter 2

Dixie stood staring at the collapsing building watching fire crews and paramedics running in and out pulling people to safety. She eyed each one of the casualities carefully but none resembled Jeff. Dixie seemed lost, she knew Jeff was in there but she also knew she needed to treat people. Taking a deep long breath she grabbed the medical kit heading into the commotion to help she had to do something, standing around worrying was not her style..

Dixie knelt down beside a small lad who couldn't have been much older than 12, he had a severe laceration to his arm but apart from that seemed OK. Sadness filled her again as she thought of John, Jeff's son, he was about the same age, how could she tell them that their father was dead. Dixie swallowed the lump at the back of her throat 'you cannot think like this Dixie, Jeff will be OK' she muttered to herself before turning to the boy in front of her.

'Hello sweetheart, my name is Dixie and I am going to help you. Can you tell me your name?'

'Thomas.'

'That is a lovely name. Now Thomas where does it hurt?'

'My arm hurts.' Thomas pointed to the cut that Dixie was already dressing.

'OK sweetheart, can I listen to your chest?' Dixie asked pulling out her steth placing it in position.

'Well you seem to be a very lucky lad Thomas. Was anyone with you in there?'

'My dad. He told me to go. I do not know where he is.' Thomas started to get agitated frantically looking around for his dad. Dixie could sympathise with him greatly as there was still no sign of Jeff, it had been nearly 15 minutes now.

'Ssssh, it will be OK darling. Shall we take you for a little ride to the hospital to see a Doctor?' Dixie asked sympathetically while giving the distraught boy a hug.

'I want my dad. I am not going without my dad.'

'OK. Well how about I sit you in my ambulance and we can wait for your Dad there? You can be my helper seen as my other helper has gone and got himself into trouble.'

'What did he do?'

'Something very stupid.'

'Will he get into trouble.'

'Yes he will, but, just between you and me, I won't stay cross with him for long.'

Thomas smiled at Dixie as she helped him up taking him over to the ambulance sitting him in the front seat making sure he was alright. She continually glanced over at the bodies that were being carried out hoping that Jeff will be brought out soon. Each time he was not, her heart sank that little bit further.

'Dixie I need your help over here please.' Polly yelled as she struggled to get a neck brace on her patient.

'Will you be OK here Thomas while I go and help my friend out?'

'Can I come with you please?' Thomas asked looking around him nervously.

'Of course you can.' Dixie held out her hand which Thomas took making her way over to Polly.

Once they had secured the neckbrace Polly noticed Dixie looking around worry clearly written across her face.

'He will be OK Dix, you know what he is like.' Polly tried to give Dixie a comforting smile and hug but it wasn't working.

'I am going to kill him when he comes out Pol, I swear to God I...'

'Daddy!' Thomas interrupted Dixie's flow by pointing at the man who was being carried out by the fire crew. Thomas tugged on Dixie's hand signalling he wanted to go over.

'OK Thomas, let's go and see, Polly is going to come with us.'

The three of them jogged over to where the firemen had laid him down, Dixie stepped forward to assess his injuries before she allowed Thomas to come closer to his father. He was lucky, Dixie could make out a broken leg, a few lacerations and smoke inhalation.

'Daddy.' Thomas said as he came closer getting worried when his Dad did not reply.

'He is asleep sweetheart. I am just going to put this on him to help him breathe then we can get you both to hospital.'

Thomas nodded and before long he was sat in the ambulance once more with his Dad on the way to hospital. Dixie sat in the back with them, she did not want to leave but Polly made her. She was right, if they pulled Jeff out, Dixie would not have been allowed to treat him anyway and if he was badly injured or worse, Dixie would not have that image in her head.

The drive was short and as she opened the back doors she was met by a wealth of people wanting to know what had happened and how many more injuries they would be expecting. For the first time in a long time, Dixie could not answer questions, she just wheeled in her patients worrying about Jeff.

The minutes dragged by as she paced around the ED, she watched each stretcher being brought in just incase but Jeff was not there. Her heart was slowly sinking, time was against her, the likelihood of Jeff being OK was minimal and she knew it.

'Dixie?' She turned around looking down at Thomas who was standing beside her.

'Hello love. How is your Dad?'

'He wants to say hello to you and say thank you.' Thomas looked into her face before taking her hand leading her to cubicles.

'Dad this is Dixie. She helped me and you.' Thomas spoke with pride evident in his voice.

'Hello, I just wanted to thank you for looking after my son.'

'My pleasure, he is a lovely lad. How are you feeling?'

'I have felt better to be honest, it could have been a lot worse but the paramedic saved me.'

'Sorry?' Dixie asked, did he mean her or Jeff?

'Cannot remember his name but he was helping me out when the building came down. He pushed me out the way. Is he here? I would like to thank him as well.'

Dixie could feel herself welling up as she looked to the floor. 'No, he is not here but I will tell him when I see him.'

'Oh thank you. What is his name? I would like to write to him.'

'Jeff. Jeff Collier.' Dixie felt sadness at saying his name, she really hoped he was OK and would come through the doors unharmed.

'Thank you Dixie. I am so grateful to you and Jeff.'

Dixie smiled before ruffling Thomas' hair and leaving the cubicle. She took a moment to compose herself glancing at the patient board. She didn't want to see Jeff's name on there but if she did then she knew he was safe. Her heart sank when it was not there.

She continued walking around to reception noticing how everything had calmed down, still no Jeff. She was surprised as to how worried she actually was about Jeff, they were married but not romantically linked in anyway, but it still did not stop her worrying, being scared of what had happened to him. Dixie wondered over to the vending machine to get a drink leaning up against the wall lost in her own thoughts when the doors flew open at speed.

'Jeffrey Collier 38, prolonged entrapment. Two broken arms, dislocated right hip, severe smoke inhallation, impalment, has not regained consciousness. Had 10 of morphine and that is the second bag of saline going in now.'

Dixie watched on in horror letting the list of Jeff's injuries go over her head as she slowly followed the trolley into resus. Zoe ans Nick took control as Tess came over.

'Dix, go into the staffroom, I will be in to see you shortly OK.'

All Dixie could do was nod numbly as she watched them assess her partner, her best friend, her husband.


	3. Chapter 3

**A / N – Thank you for the reviews of this fic so far. Here is the next chapter, I would like to say thank you to Raven Shadowrose for giving me a list of injuries I could choose from to inflict on poor Jeff. I would just like to say that I am not medically trained in anyway so, medically, I wouldn't vouch for the accuracy of the chapter. **

**Thank you for reading. **

Dixie sat in the staffroom wondering what was happening with Jeff. From what she could remember, he looked in a pretty bad way and was going to need a lot of looking after. She wondered about how they will cope with the recovery, who would help Jeff and if he would want any help.

News had got round the ED and other paramedics that Jeff had been found and was receiving treatment for multiple injuries, Dixie didn't know what to say to her colleagues as they came in telling her that Jeff was in their prayers and that they were sure he was going to be OK, each and every one of them would ask Dixie if she needed anything, each time she would thank them for their concern and shake her head. It wasn't too much longer after that that Polly appeared.

'Dix, I have just heard, oh my God, is he alright?' She asked as she sat next to her friend who was numbly staring into space. Polly put her arm around Dixie trying to comfort her waiting for her to speak.

'He has lots of injuries Pol. I should have stopped him going in.' Dixie replied, voice barely above a whisper as she continued to look to the floor.

'Dixie, it is not your fault, Jeff would have gone in anyway, you know that.'

'I am his boss Pol, I should have been more forceful with him then he wouldn't be in this situation.'

'Dix, you cannot blame yourself, Jeff knew what he was doing, he would have ignored you anyway, you know that from his track record.' Polly tried to reassure Dixie that this was far from her fault, but it wasn't working.

'Why does he have to be so stupid?'

'Because that is Jeff, you know that better than anyone Dixie.'

'What am I going to do Polly?'

'What do you mean?'

'There is going to be an investigation into the incident, they are going to want to know why I let Jeff go in there, then there is Jeff himself, he is going to need a lot of care, how am I going to cope with that as well?' Dixie turned to face Polly for the first time; she could see that Dixie was fighting back the tears.

'Your priority is your husband Dixie, not the job; he needs you now more than ever.' Polly was always right, this was one of the qualities that made her so likeable, the fact that she seemed to have her head screwed on properly. Dixie and Jeff always smiled that someone half their age would give them advice on how to handle certain things.

She was just about to answer when the door opened once more revealing Tess and Nick. Dixie's face paled straight away trying to work out what was going on from their body language and facial expression. Whatever it was, it wouldn't be good.

'Dixie, we need to talk to you about Jeff.' Nick said as he sat opposite the paramedic.

Dixie nodded as she felt Polly tighten her grip around her shoulders, she was grateful she had someone with her who could help her digest whatever they threw at her.

'Now, we know that the trust will want to investigate this Dixie, but, I am not talking to you now as a fellow medical professional, everything I am going to talk to you about concerns the injuries your husband has sustained and the prognosis for him. So, I am going to talk to you as Jeff's next of Kin, as Mrs Collier, is that alright with you?'

Dixie nodded again.

'Jeff has suffered severe smoke inhalation, coupled with the fact he was impaled on a piece of metal tubing which punctured his right lung, he is breathing now we have put a chest drain in although he is in a lot of discomfort.'

'Is he awake?' Dixie asked.

'He is very groggy Dixie, he has been given a great deal of pain relief, but yes, he is awake.'

Dixie felt a little happier knowing he was awake, but still full of sadness as to what he had gone through. She didn't want him to be in any pain, he was bad enough when he got a paper cut.

Nick noticed that Dixie looked a little more relieved knowing that Jeff was awake, but, he had more to tell her. Taking a deep breath, he continued, 'Jeff has broken both his arms Dixie, his left arm is in a worse situation that his right. He will need surgery to put pins in to hold the bones together while they heal. We need to send him for a scan to determine whether he has done any damage to his spine, I don't need to tell you what that could mean for him in the long term.'

Dixie's face paled once more, it was bad enough to learn that Jeff had a punctured lung and two broken arms, now there was a possibility he could have spinal damage as well. It was all starting to become a little too much for her to take.

Tess noticed the change in Dixie's composure as she moved forward to try and soothe the situation. 'Dixie, Jeff will be OK, he is strong, we are doing everything we can to help him.'

'What else is wrong with him?' Dixie asked looking directly into Nick's eyes; she wanted to know everything no matter how painful it would be.

'Dixie, Jeff has a couple of broken ribs and we are not too sure on internal injuries at the moment. It appears his upper body took the force of the accident, from what I can tell, his legs and pelvis are fine, but we will know more after the scan.'

'Can I see him please?'

'Of course you can, but, please be aware, he is covered in bandages, he cannot move his arms and his face is pretty cut up as well. Just prepare yourself Dixie.' Nick said as he gave her a small smile before heading out with Tess in tow.

As the door closed behind them, Polly turned to Dixie 'are you sure you want to go and see him?'

Dixie nodded, 'he is my husband, I need to be there for him no matter how he looks.'

'Do you want me to come in with you?'

'No thanks Pol, I need to do this on my own, thanks anyway.' Dixie replied as she patted Polly on the leg before getting up walking over to the door.

Everyone of their friends in the ED had their eyes fixed on Dixie as she slowly made her way around to resus where Jeff was, people were asking her if she was alright and that they were there if she needed anything, Dixie just smiled and nodded as she walked. Jeff's injuries sounded bad, but there was the question of spinal damage and internal injuries still to be answered, he was going to need a lot of help no matter what the outcome was.

Dixie stopped just outside of the doors taking a few moments to compose herself, she looked in through the blinds to see Jeff lying on his back, he still had the neck brace on which stopped him from moving his head and neck, his arms were in frac pacs and she could see a saline drip and blood going into him. She noticed the chest drain and catheter that they had to put in. Jeff was in a really vulnerable position; she knew he was hating it being so helpless; she was going to have to be strong for him.

Dixie found the courage to open the doors and walked over to Jeff, she got as close as she could to him without disturbing the machines and drips. His eyes were closed, so she took the moment to study his face, he had a black eye and his cheeks were littered with small cuts, he had quite a large laceration on his forehead that had been stitched up. Dixie moved her shaking hand out of her pocket to place it against Jeff's left cheek. As she did so, a tear fell from her eye seeing her best friend in such a bad way, she felt guilty, she should have stopped him, if she had of done, they would be at home by now enjoying dinner in front of the TV, not in resus.

Dixie continued to study Jeff as he slept, she saw the state his arms were in, she knew it would be a long while before he would be able to use them properly again. She looked further down moving the covers slightly so she could see his legs, they looked fine to her, a little bruised, but nothing out of the ordinary. He had a brace on around his pelvis; Dixie knew this was as a precaution more than anything.

She kept her hand on his cheek noticing his possessions in a bag on the stool to his side; she saw his dusty and ripped uniform, his dirty jacket and helmet. She saw his phone and wallet lying on top of them along with his keys. She made a mental note to take them home with her when she left. Turning her gaze back to Jeff, she noticed that he was beginning to stir. She looked on as he slowly opened his eyes looking over in the direction of her hand managing to raise a small smile as his eyes met hers.

'Am I going to get a bollocking now then?'


	4. Chapter 4

Dixie smiled back at her best friend keeping her hand against his cheek rubbing it softly. She was glad that he was awake; this act of affection didn't go unnoticed by a very groggy Jeff.

'You alright mate?'

'Yeah, fine.'

'You don't usually act like this.'

'Like what?'

'Being affectionate towards me, it is unnerving.'

'Why? Someone have a guilty conscience do they Jeffrey?' Dixie replied raising her voice slightly showing she wasn't impressed by his latest stunt.

'No, why should I have a guilty conscience?' Jeff asked.

'Oh I dunno, something about going into a building that was collapsing and getting yourself injured in the process. Does that ring any bells?'

'Don't know what you are talking about Princess.' Jeff returned rolling his eyes in mock innocence.

'Don't you Princess me lethal weapon.' Dixie replied giving his cheek a light tap.

The pair relaxed into a smile and comfortable silence, Jeff was staring up at Dixie who continued to rub his cheek being careful not to aggravate the cuts that were scattered all over it. Jeff continued to smile at his partner not really comprehending why she was behaving how she was. He tried to move his arm to put it on hers but couldn't. A sharp pain soared through his body as he jerked harshly gritting his teeth wincing in pain. Dixie noticed this straight away pressing the button attached to the tubing to release a small dose of morphine into his system. Jeff had closed his eyes at this point making small groaning noises to indicate he was still in pain. Dixie continued to rub his face to try and calm him down.

'Ssssh, it's OK love, it will be alright.'

After a few moments the morphine seemed to have kicked in as Jeff relaxed his face looking slightly calmer than he did, but he was confused.

'Dixie, why can't I move my arm? Dix what has happened to me, why can't I move?' Jeff started to become a little hysterical as he started to realise he was in resus strapped to a bed unable to move. Dixie didn't quite know how she was going to tell him, but he had a right to know. Jeff noticed she had gone silent; this only made his feel even worse.

'Dix are you still there? Princess please tell me what is going on?'

Dixie lent over so Jeff could see her face placing both hands on his face so he had no choice but to look directly into her eyes. Once she was certain she could remain composed, she started to talk to him.

'Jeffrey, you are a stupid man who bloody scares me and today was one of those days. You went into the shopping centre and the building collapsed. Listen to me sweetheart, you are going to be OK, but you did get hurt.'

Jeff continued to look at his friend as she spoke, her mouth was moving but nothing was going in, he could feel himself getting teary more so through fright than anything. Dixie saw the horror in his face, she wanted to stop and tell him nothing else, but he had a right to know. She would rather he found out from her than from anyone else, after all, they were close friends, inseparable by all accounts.

'Mate, listen to me. You are in resus, you were trapped when the building came down. You have some small cuts to your face and they have strapped you down until you have a scan to check for any other damage.'

'What do you mean any other damage Dix? Tell me please Princess.'

'Love, I am really sorry but both your arms are broken. You are going to need surgery on your left arm, which is why you cannot move them.'

Jeff's face paled once more, this couldn't be true, he always got out of tough situations unscathed, what was so different about this one? Had his luck officially run out?

Dixie could see that this was all too much for him to digest at the moment so she chose not to mention about the punctured lung as the possibility of spinal damage, it could send him over the edge if she told him now. He had had enough of a shock for the moment. She continued to look him in the eye as she saw a tear falling from it, knowing Jeff wasn't one for tears or letting his emotions show, she lightly rubbed the tear away with her thumb as he took a few deep breaths to compose himself. More tears started to fall from his eyes; Dixie continued to rub them away for him knowing he wasn't able to do that for himself at the moment.

After a few minutes of silent sobbing from Jeff, he plucked up enough courage to talk to Dixie.

'How is the bloke I was trying to help?'

'He got out OK mate, he is very grateful to you for pushing him out of the way.'

'Yeah, look what my heroics did though.'

'Mate, I am not going to deny that what you did was wreck less and stupid, you could have died in there, but, you did save someone who is now happily reunited with his son.'

Jeff managed to give her a half smile. Dixie looked down at him lying there on the bed helpless; he was going to need a lot of nursing, a lot of care. Was she up to the job? Would Jeff want her to help him?

She was disturbed from her thoughts as Big Mac, Tess and Nick entered the room.

'Jeff, Dixie, how are you feeling?'

'Like a building has just collapsed on my chest, how do you think I am feeling?'

'Jeff' Dixie said sternly as she moved to the side to let Nick assess Jeff's pupils and vitals.

'Right, well, we are going to take you off for your scan now Jeff, Big Mac and Tess will go with you. Once we have the results we can discuss your treatment and recovery with the pair of you in more detail.'

Dixie nodded at Nick as he moved to the side to write down some more notes in Jeff's file.

'OK Jeffrey, time for a little ride.' Big Mac said as he released the wheel brakes and began to move Jeff away. As he did, Dixie lent forward once more as Tess moved the machines onto the bed with Jeff.

As she got closer to Jeff, he whispered, 'I am scared Dix.'

'Don't be love, it will be OK and we will deal with it together OK.' She leant forward placing a soft kiss to his head as he was wheeled off.

Dixie watched on as they led Jeff away, she could see their colleagues gasping as they saw Jeff for the first time, Polly was there talking to Noel as she saw Jeff for the first time, placing her hand over her mouth in shock before looking towards resus to see Dixie stood there.

Nick noticed Dixie's vacant stare as he looked over towards her, 'Dixie are you OK?'

Dixie simply nodded trying to keep her own emotions in check as Polly walked towards the doors.

'He is going to really need you now, two broken arms Dixie and the possibility of spinal damage; he is going to have to rely on you for everything. You might want to consider contacting the trust to arrange for special leave. If you don't want to, I can always do it on your behalf.'

'No, it's OK thank you Mr Jordan, I will contact them once I know what is happening with Jeff.'

'OK, whatever you think is best. I will be down to see you both in a little while with his results.' Nick smiled at the young paramedic before walking out of resus as Polly entered rushing over to her friend.

'Oh my God Dixie, what is happening?'

'He has gone off to have a scan; we will no more after that.'

'Is there anything I can get you?'

'No, I am alright thanks Pol, I am going to go and get some air before he comes back.'

'OK, shall I come with you?'

'I will be alright on my own thanks, honestly, you get yourself off home and I will text you when I know what is going on.'

Polly nodded reluctantly at her friend before giving her another hug.

Dixie left the warmth of the ED finding herself outside sat in the peace garden letting the calming noise of the flowing water relax her thoughts. Something Nick had said rang through her mind, Jeff was indeed going to need her and rely on her for everything. The reality of this started to hit home, she would need to dress him, get him undressed, wash him, shower him, feed him, help him to the toilet, everything. Was she up to this task? Would Jeff want her looking after him seeing him at his most vulnerable? She knew it will fall to her as she was his wife on paper, but their marriage wasn't a conventional one by any stretch of the imagination. Dixie closed her eyes taking in a few deep breaths of her own, the outcome of this scan coupled with Jeff's current injuries was going to make things hard for them, she wondered if their friendship would come out the other side intact. As much as she knew he would protest and be stubborn, Dixie was determined to help him; after all, she felt it was her fault for him getting injured.

Dixie didn't know how long she had been sat there lost in her own thoughts, thoughts about her and Jeff until she felt a light tap on the shoulder, turning she saw Tess stood there.

'Dixie, we have Jeff's results. Mr Jordan is waiting to speak to you both about them.'

Dixie took another deep breath before nodding following Tess back into the ED.

_**A / N – Thank you for reading, not entirely happy with this chapter but cannot work out how to have made it better. I hope that you all like it. **_


	5. Chapter 5

_**A / N – Sorry for the late update. I am not overly happy with this chapter, I have loads of ideas of where this fic is going to head, but, struggled with the getting there. **_

Dixie took a seat next to Jeff's bed. He was still strapped down so he couldn't see her. Dixie sensed he was scared so moved a little closer placing her hand on his shoulder signalling to him that she was there. They seemed to be waiting an eternity for Nick to arrive with the results; the tension was evident in the room.

'Dix?' Jeff whispered

'Yeah mate.'

'Is it OK for me to be frightened?'

'Of course it is mate. Whatever it is we will deal with it together like we always do.'

'I don't want to deal with it Dix.'

'Hey, you are a strong man Jeffrey Collier, you will deal with it and I will be there for you every step of the way if you want me to.'

'You don't need to be.'

'Jeff, I am your best friend, your wife, I will stand by you all the way.'

Dixie could hear Jeff sniffing; she knew he was crying again. Getting up she moved closer seeing yet more tears streaming down his face. Dixie went to lean in with her hand to wipe them away for him but was stopped.

'Don't Dixie.'

'What?'

'Leave it.'

'Jeff, you are crying, l let me help you, let me dry your eyes for you love.'

'I SAID LEAVE IT.' Dixie jumped back from Jeff shocked at his outburst.

'Jeff…..I…'

'ARE YOU DEAF? I SAID LEAVE IT.'

Dixie could feel tears forming in her own eyes, she knew that the reality of his actions were sinking in for him and she was willing to bet he now knew he was going to have to rely on her, she was not going to let him push her away. He could shout and scream all he liked; she was going to help him. Dixie composed herself blinking back her own tears moving back closer to Jeff, his face was damp with tears he was shedding. She grabbed a tissue and began to wipe his face and dry his eyes.

'Get off me Dix.' He tried to wriggle away from her, but the pain and the fact he was strapped down made it virtually impossible.

'No Jeffrey, Mr Jordan will be in soon and you don't want to be looking a mess now do ya?' Dixie gently put her had on his face wiping away at his tears and nose as softly as she possibly could so not to touch the small scabs that were starting to form.

Jeff did not have the energy or strength to argue with her, he let her dry his eyes but he could not make eye contact with her, he felt too ashamed. Luckily she got to him just in time as the doors flung open as Nick strode in heading straight for the pair.

'Dixie, Jeff, I have the results here.'

'And?' Dixie asked as she moved her hand to Jeff's shoulder rubbing it lightly.

'Well, there is no easy way to talk to you about this, as you know Jeff you have two broken arms with your left needing surgery. Your lung is punctured and three ribs are broken…..'

'You didn't tell me about the lung and ribs Dixie.' Jeff interrupted Nick posing his comment to Dixie.

'Jeff…I..' Dixie tried to begin to explain, but did not get very far.

'Save it.'

Nick could sense the growing tension between the pair but chose to ignore the comment continuing rather matter of factly. 'Jeff, when you go for surgery shortly the orthopods will re align your right hip but it will mean you being on traction for a few weeks. They have a slot in theatre this evening for you. I do, however, need your consent for this to go ahead. I will leave you with the forms you need.'

Nick handed Dixie the forms and information pack before he left. He stopped just short of the doors to face the friends once more. He could see Jeff staring blankly at the ceiling while Dixie simply stared at the paperwork she had just been given. It was clearly too much for them to digest at the moment.

'Jeff, you are going to need somebody with you to assist you with hygiene and other such activities. The nurses on the ward will help you in the most part with this while you recover. When you come out of hospital these tasks will fall to your next of kin. Dixie, you need to speak with the district nurses and arrange for special leave. Once Jeff is out of surgery, the orthopods will discuss recovery and physio with you.'

Dixie nodded as Nick left. The pair continued to stay silent while everything Nick said was sinking in for the pair of them. Dixie turned her attention to the forms she had been given, it was the standard operation consent form in which the risks were laid out for them to see. She read over them all carefully before looking at the leaflets on physio and the district nurses. She wondered how they would cope together as Jeff got better and what the nurses would think of the pair of them. Her thoughts were interrupted by Jeff speaking,

'Two broken arms, a dislocated hip, punctured lung and broken ribs. Anything else you neglected to tell me about?'

'Shall I sign these forms for you?' Dixie answered trying to deflect Jeff's question.

'Answer my question Dixie, is there anything else you are not telling me?'

Dixie looked to the floor, 'No mate, that is it.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Because I thought it would be too much for you to take in at once. You are in shock love, I didn't want to upset you anymore.'

Jeff sighed heavily, 'So what does all that say then?'

'It is the consent form for your operation, it is the usual stuff we see everyday Jeff, did you want me to read you the risks?'

'No, I know them.'

'Did you want me to sign them?'

'Well it isn't like I can is it.' Jeff replied rather sarcastically.

'Don't be like that love.'

'Be like what Dix, it isn't as though I can hold the pen or move my arm to sign the bloody thing is it?'

Dixie looked over again at her best friend filling with sadness and guilt over his situation. Taking another deep breath she read over the consent form one more time filling in Jeff's full name, date of birth, address, medical history and her details as his next of kin. She ticked the box saying that Jeff knew the risks before signing her own name – Mrs K Collier, in the box giving consent for the operation to go ahead.

'It is going to be a long recovery isn't it?' Jeff asked slightly calmer than before.

'Yeah, it is mate, but you will get there.'

'Will I Dixie, honestly babe, I am going to have to rely on strangers to look after me, do the things I would normally do for myself, how do you think that is going to make me feel?'

'Jeff, I will look after you. It is my fault you are in this situation anyway.'

'How do you work that one out Dix?'

'I should have stopped you from going into the building; I should have held you back. If I had of done, we could be home by now, all safe, not sitting here.'

'Maybe you should have done.' Jeff muttered under his breath thinking Dixie wasn't able to hear what he had just said, but she did, eyes instantly filling with more tears, he did blame her and he was right to.

'I'll go and hand the form in.' Dixie said quietly, voice almost a whisper as she tried to hide her own emotions from Jeff. She slowly got up off the chair folding the leaflets placing them in her jacket pocket before walking over to Jeff. He was still staring at the ceiling, not making eye contact with her, she could see in his eyes and face he was angry, angry at being in hospital, angry and having to have surgery, angry at the recovery, angry at losing his independence, but, ultimately, angry at her for letting him go in.

'See you in a minute love.' Dixie said softly again as she leant in giving Jeff a soft kiss on the cheek before she turned away. As Dixie made her way to the door of resus, she was stopped as Jeff called her name.

'Dixie.'

'Yes Jeff.'

'Don't bother coming back.'


	6. Chapter 6

_**A / N – Thank you for the reviews to this fic so far and thank you for Raven Shadowrose for your help and support with the ideas for this chapter. Hope you all enjoy. **_

Jeff heard Dixie draw a shaky breath before he heard the door swing shut behind her. He had just told his best friend not to come back, and he meant it, well, he thought he meant it, now he had said it, he wasn't so sure.

He now felt alone, so very alone, no one was in resus with him, the only company he had were the machines bleeping around him and his own thoughts. He stared at the ceiling as he mind wondered back over the day's events, he didn't have much choice as to what he could look at, he no longer had that control to turn his head from side to side.

Jeff closed his eyes thinking back over the day, it started off like any other day for him, he got up, had a shower, made a cup of tea for both of them before going into Dixie's room to wake her up. He traced his mind back over lying on her bed with her as they talked about what they were going to do after work, he had said he would do the shopping while she did dinner and the washing, looks like that wasn't going to happen now.

He continued to think about the shift, a few hoax calls, a minor RTC before the big shout came in. Jeff thought back to Dixie telling him not to go in, she was right, I should have listened to her and stayed outside, if he had of done, he would be at home by now eating a lovely dinner in front of the TV with his best friend by his side. No, instead he disobeyed her orders and went in regardless, look where it got me?

Jeff could feel tears forming in his eyes threatening to fall down his face, he bit his lip trying to hold them back as he knew he couldn't wipe his eyes. He never cried in public, he only cried in private when he was on his own, only once had he cried in front of Dixie, after the college shootings, he felt silly for showing his emotions, but he needed her then. Jeff thought back over all the other times she has stuck by him and helped him out, with the divorce, the custody battle for his children, the college shootings amongst other things. Dixie was always there by his side, picking him up, holding him if he needed it, letting him cry into her shoulder, making him laugh, just being a good friend and now he had told her to not come back.

Reality of his actions were sinking in for Jeff, deep down he knew he should have listened to Dixie and not gone in, deep down he knew he was solely to blame for this, not her, why did I take It out on her? Jeff realised he was going to need her now more than ever, she was going to have to take care of him, as uncomfortable with that thought as he was, he knew she would make sure he was OK.

Jeff thought of all the things he was going to need help with, all the things he would do without thinking himself, it made him angry and frustrated. He couldn't move his arms, so, he couldn't dry his eyes, blow his nose, eat, drink on his own. Jeff realised someone was going to have to get him dressed and undressed, wash him, help him to the toilet, did he really want his best friend doing those things? Deep down, he didn't want anyone else looking after him or seeing him without his clothes on, he only wanted Dixie to do that, he trusted her with his life. He knew they were both going to find it uncomfortable, but, it had to be done.

Guilt was rearing its head once more as he realised what he had said to Dixie, he needed her back, he didn't want to go for the operation without making it right with her, he needed to see her before he went under, he just hoped he had the chance.

Meanwhile Dixie had made her way to Mr Jordan's office handing over the consent form for Jeff's operation.

'Thank you Dixie, I will let the surgeons know we have consent.'

'Thank you Mr Jordan.' Dixie replied before closing the door and heading back towards resus. She stopped short of the door looking at Jeff lying there helpless, she debated whether to go in and sit with him again, or whether to respect his last request of not going back. She knew he was angry, in shock and frustrated, maybe he did need time on his own to get his head around things.

Dixie felt a weight on her shoulder as she looked up to see that Polly had come back.

'How is he doing?' Polly asked

'Not good.'

'Are you going to go back in?'

'No, he told me not to bother coming back.'

'Dixie, he doesn't mean it, he is probably getting angry.'

'He is angry Pol, angry at me and he has every right to be.'

Polly could sense Dixie was becoming a little upset, standing outside resus looking in at her best friend probably wasn't the ideal place to have a talk, it was clear that Dixie needed to talk about how she was feeling. 'Tell you what, we will leave him to get some rest for a bit, let's go and grab a drink and take it outside, we can sit in the peace garden if you want.'

Dixie weakly nodded and smiled at Polly who linked arms with her, Dixie took one last look at Jeff before she turned heading off with Polly.

The cool evening air hit Dixie once more as she sat in the peace garden cupping her hands around the coffee Polly had bought her, Polly was sitting next to Dixie as she stared at the water feature. She didn't want to push Dixie into talking if she didn't want to, but, she was there to listen when she felt like opening up. She didn't have to wait long before Dixie started talking,

'I remember when I first met Jeff, I nearly sacked him before the end of his first shift he wound me up that much. He spent the day calling me babe and princess before making lots of silly errors in judgement. We got into a mini argument and I told him I was gay, I couldn't believe it, I had only known him for 8 hours and I told him my secret.'

'You must have felt comfortable with him then to have told him.' Poly interjected as Dixie took a sip of coffee.

'Maybe, he made some joke about wanting to see photographic evidence.'

'Sounds like Jeff don't it.' Polly giggle slightly, she could just imagine Jeff saying that and Dixie getting cross with him.

'Yeah, he is still waiting for it.' Dixie took another sip before continuing, 'I didn't sack him, I couldn't, there was something about him that I liked, he wasn't trying to be someone he wasn't, he was honest. He has helped me through some rough times over the years you know Pol, he has always been there for me. He offered to leave so Cyd could stay with me, I was devastated when he left, I really did miss him. He would text me every day, but it wasn't the same as having him here. '

'Oh Dix, he is back now, you have your best friend with you all the time.'

'I know, but he doesn't want me near him right now. I know he is angry Pol, I really do, I pushed him away after the whole incident with the Malone's, I shouted at him, swore at him, but he didn't give up on me, he looked out for me. I let him down today and he hates me.'

'Dixie Collier, you listen to me, you did not let him down, he shouldn't have gone in there, he knows that, you are not to blame.' Polly was being assertive with her friend but was calming in her tone. She didn't want to upset Dixie any more.

'This is going to really change us Pol, I know I am married to him, he is my best mate, I love him as a mate, I would do anything for him, I really would, but am I cut out to care for him?'

'What do you mean Dixie?'

'He is going to need me to dress him, get him undressed, wash him, help him to the loo, help him eat, drink, all of those things, we don't have that sort of relationship Pol. Yeah I wash his clothes for him, put up with him walking around in his boxers, but, we just don't have that sort of relationship with each other. How is he going to cope with me seeing him, well, you know. How am I going to cope touching him when I have to wash him?'

Polly placed her hand on Dixie's shoulder as she lowered her head, it was going to be hard for the pair of them, but she knew one thing, Dixie would cope, she was a strong woman, she just had to convince her she was up to the job.

'Dixie, answer me this, if it was you lying in there, would Jeff do all of those things for you?'

'Probably.'

'Yeah, it is going to be strange for the pair of you, but, you care about one another so much, you can do it Dixie, you are up to the job. Jeff needs you by his side now more than ever, he is just angry with himself at the moment, not you. Now, get yourself back into resus with your husband and let him know you are there for him always.'

Polly took Dixie's empty cup from her placing it in the bin before giving her an encouraging look to go back in and see Jeff.

'Thanks Pol, I owe you one.'

'Well, net time you can buy the coffee.'

Dixie smiled, Polly was right, Jeff would do the same for her without a shadow of a doubt, no matter how hard or uncomfortable she was going to find it, she was going to let Jeff know she would care for him and help him. Dixie was not going to let him push her away.

Jeff was still on his own, he had no idea where Dixie was or what time it was, he was getting worried about his operation. He heard the doors of resus swing open,

'Dixie, is that you?' He asked hopefully.

'No Jeff.' Mr Jordan replied.

'Where is Dixie?' Jeff replied feeling his heart sink.

'I am afraid I don't know Jeff. We need to take you up to theatre now, the surgeons have a slot earlier than we thought and are waiting for you.'

'No, I can't go, I need to see Dixie.' Jeff said. He was frightened, he wouldn't admit it to anyone else other than Dixie, he just needed to apologise to her and feel her comforting touch before he went under.

'Jeff, they will not wait, we need to take you now. I will tell Dixie when I see her that you are up in theatre.' Nick signalled to the porters to start wheeling Jeff away. He could feel his trolley being moved as he looked up to the ceiling watching it move as he was on the move. Jeff closed his eyes; he wanted to make things right with Dixie before the operation, now he wasn't going to get the chance.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A /N – Thank you again for your reviews on this fic and thank you again Raven Shadowrose for listening to my ideas over PM. **_

Dixie made her way back into the ED, her chat with Polly had helped her more than she thought it would. She knew she needed to be there for Jeff, the next few months were going to be hard on them, but, she was determined to help her best friend in any way she could. She had made herself a promise; she would put his needs first and be there for him 24/7 starting right now, nothing and nobody were going to convince her otherwise, Jeff was all that mattered now and he would come first.

Dixie didn't make it as far as Resus when Noel called her over,

'Alright Dix, I have a message for you from Mr J.' Dixie wondered over to Noel who waited for her to get closer before he continued, 'just to let you know that they have taken Jeff to theatre, the surgeons had a slot free. Here is the ward they will be taking him to after the op.' Noel handed Dixie a piece of paper with the ward name on it.

Dixie stared at the paper, had they really taken Jeff down already? She didn't know what to think, the last thing he said to her was for her to not bother coming back, she didn't even get chance to see him before his operation, what would he think of me? Dixie felt guilty again and selfish, she felt she had already broken her unspoken promise by putting herself before Jeff. She started to believe that if she hadn't of gone for a coffee with Polly, if she had just stood her ground with Jeff then she would have seen him before he went under and he would have had her reassurance that everything would be alright. Dixie felt she had let him down for a second time that day.

'You alright Dix?' Noel asked noticing that the Paramedic had slipped into a world of her own.

'Yeah, fine love thanks. Are Jeff's things still in resus do you know?'

'Your guess is as good as mine, if they are not; they are probably in Tess' office.'

'Thanks love.' Dixie replied as she tried to hold herself together heading towards Resus to pick up his belongings. Luckily they were still there, she carefully picked them up taking them with her towards the staffroom, technically she wasn't allowed in there as she had her own staff area, but, she decided that no one would mind her sorting out Jeff's bag there rather than carrying it all the way back to the Ambulance station when most of it would end up in the bin.

Dixie sat down looking through his pockets, she had decided that his uniform was beyond repair, so it was only fit for the bin, his fleece was still OK as was his jacket, she folded them up neatly placing them back in the bag making a mental note to wash them when she got home. She placed his wallet, phone and keys in her own pocket before looking back at the sheet of paper again.

Dixie wondered how long he had been gone and when he would be coming out of theatre, she hoped he would be OK and that nothing would happen to him. Deciding it was best to head up to the ward and wait, that is where she went.

She did get some strange looks as she walked through the hospital, Paramedics never really got beyond the ED, so for other hospital staff to see her walking around was a bit of a shock especially as she was carrying Jeff's Jacket and Fleece in a hospital bag. She simply ignored their stares and made her way to Victoria ward where Jeff would be.

'May I help you?' a young ward sister asked as Dixie approached the Nurses station.

'Hello, my husband Jeff Collier is being brought here after surgery.'

'Ah, right, let me see.' Dixie looked on as the Ward Sister taped away on the computer, 'Yes, Mr Collier is still in theatre at the moment, I can show you to his bed if you like and you can wait there for him.'

'Do you know how long he is likely to be?'

'With an operation like that, I would say at least another hour and a half, then he has to spend some time in recovery before they bring him up, I think you have at least a couple of hours.'

'OK, maybe I should pop home and get him some things.'

'That might be a good idea Mrs Collier, if you want, you can leave me with your contact details and I will ring you as soon as he is up on the ward.'

Dixie thanked her before writing down her home number and mobile number taking Jeff's things; she made her way back to the Ambulance station to pick up her own keys and find where they had left the car key.

It seemed strange going home without Jeff, the house was in darkness, no doubt Lil Abs would be creating merry hell in the lounge. Dixie let herself in as Abs came running up towards her, she knelt down playing with him for a moment getting lost in her thoughts when she realised she needed to be quick and get back so she could be there before Jeff came around. Dixie let Abs out into the garden before she prepared him some food and water before putting Jeff's fleece in the washing machine double checking the pockets one last time.

Grabbing a suitcase from the utility room, Dixie headed up towards Jeff's bedroom to see what she could pack for him. She looked around at his room, the bed was made, but, all his clothes were in piles across the floor, she sat down on the end of his bed looking around at his belongings. She shut her eyes imagining Jeff was there with her, but she knew he wasn't, she was saddened at the fact that she would be in the house on her own without him for a few weeks. She enjoyed his company even though she would never admit that to him, maybe she should start telling him she liked having him around, she felt she needed to do a lot of making up.

Dixie had no idea what to pack for him, she knew he would need underwear and socks, possibly a few T Shirts and tracksuit bottoms. She packed his phone charger along with his shaving stuff, towels, toothbrush, toothpaste, soap, shampoo and after shave. She made a mental note to buy him some slippers along with a new dressing gown as his was fit for the bin.

Dixie packed everything neatly into the case and left the house once more, she knew Abs would be alright for a little while. She stopped off at Tesco on the way back to the hospital to get some tissues, sweets and a few newspapers and books for Jeff to read. She was going to charge up her iPod for him and put some of his music on it so he could listen to it. After she had been to the cash point to get some money for him, she made her way back up to Victoria Ward to wait for his return.

'Hello again Mrs Collier, did you manage to go home?' The Ward sister asked noticing Dixie was still in her uniform.

'Yeah, I brought Jeff some things, is he back yet?'

'Not yet, he is in recovery though so he should be back soon, we will be putting him in room 8, just down the corridor and last on the left OK.'

Dixie thanked her again before heading down to Jeff's room; his name was already on the door, so she knew she was in the right place. Dixie put Jeff's clothes and everything she had bought with her away sitting down in the chair waiting for him to come back.

She didn't seem to wait long before the porters brought Jeff back; she moved out of the way as they put his bed in place and left the room. Dixie looked down at Jeff, he was sleeping but looked deathly pale, his arms were in casts from his shoulders down to his fingers, he was no longer supporting a neck and head brace, the pelvis sling had gone to be replaced by traction. Dixie was careful not to wake him up as she knew he would be groggy, she carefully leant over him and pressed a soft kiss upon him before sitting back down in the chair watching over him.

About an hour later, the Ward Sister appeared to check on Jeff, he hadn't woken up yet, but his blood pressure and temperature seemed fine. She checked on his drip and catheter before turning her attention to Dixie.

'Mrs Collier, you look tired, why don't you go home, visiting hours are almost over.'

'Can I stay with him? I won't be any bother.' Dixie asked hopefully.

'We do not usually allow that Mrs Collier.'

'Please, honestly, you won't know I am here, I just want him to know I am here for him. I want to be with him when he wakes up.'

'OK, just for tonight though, from tomorrow you will need to stick to visiting hours only.'

Dixie smiled and nodded at the nurse, she made a mental note to check her shift pattern to see if she could adjust them slightly so she could spend visiting time with Jeff. Dixie settled herself back down in the chair moving it closer to Jeff so he could see her when he woke up.

'What am I going to do with you aye Mr Collier? You really know how to scare the shit out of me don't ya? You shouldn't have gone in there Jeff, you could have died, then where would I have been? I don't think I could have explained to Lucy or your children that I let you go into a collapsing building and you were killed, they would hate me for taking you from them and I would hate myself. I already do hate myself; I should have tried harder to have stopped you. Maybe I should have gone in there with you or instead of you, at least if I had got hurt it wouldn't have mattered, I don't have any kids to think about, you do.'

Dixie stopped talking briefly to compose herself before she continued, ' Do you know what though, I am going to be here for you whenever you need me, I will do everything for you Jeff, absolutely everything. If you call me in the middle of the night I will come running, I will make it up to you, I promise.'

Dixie looked down at Jeff once more, he was still asleep, she spent the next few hours simply staring at him, the nurses came and went each hour checking his vitals but that was it, they had given up trying to make her get some sleep, Dixie was adamant she would stay awake for Jeff. Dixie could feel her eyelids getting heavier, but she refused to shut them in case she missed Jeff waking up.

It was 2am before Jeff showed any sign of movement, Dixie watched on as he slowly opened his eyes taking in his surroundings before moving his head to face her.

'Dix? Is that you?'

'Hush love, I am here.'

Dixie moved herself forward in the chair placing her hand upon his face once more watching as he smiled at her before closing his eyes once more. Dixie rubbed his cheek as Jeff slept some more, he needed to sleep off the anaesthetic, he would feel better for it in the morning. Dixie breathed a sigh of relief, Jeff was OK and was talking to her at least, and she relaxed into the chair holding onto him fighting the urge to sleep herself so she could be there instantly if he needed her.

_**A / N – Not the best ending to the chapter, but I didn't want to make it too much longer. At least he spoke to her albeit briefly. Let the long road to recovery commence. **_


	8. Chapter 8

'Mrs Collier, here, have this to drink, you look absolutely shattered.'

The Ward Sister was back to start her next shift and had popped into see Jeff replacing his catheter and drip. She noticed Dixie still in her uniform huddled underneath her jacket trying to keep warm. Dixie hadn't slept all night, she spent the time looking over Jeff, he had woken up a few times during the night mainly to be sick and complain of feeling uncomfortable as he couldn't move from his back due to the traction. Dixie had spent the time he was awake stroking his head and wiping his mouth for him. She had been on hand to give him a drink of water when he asked for it and adjust his covers to keep him warm.

'Thank you love.' Dixie replied taking the cup of steaming hot coffee from her.

'Your husband seems to be over the anaesthetic now; we will need to wake him shortly to give him his medication. Could I ask you to fill in the menu card for him please so we can get him some food sorted out?'

'I will wake him in a minute if you don't mind.' Dixie replied taking the menu card off his trolley and reading through it. The Ward Sister left to continue with her rounds while Dixie drank her coffee and studied the card. She would have to wake Jeff soon and go through this with him before she went to start her shift.

Dixie leaned over towards Jeff; she would normally wake him up by shaking his arm, as it was in plaster she couldn't do that. She contemplated rubbing his leg, but if he woke up with a start, he could pull the traction and end up screaming blue murder in agony. She carefully leant over and whispered his name in his ear stroking his forehead as she watched him slowly open his eyes and adjust them to the surroundings.

'Morning sleepy.'

'Morning.'

'How you feeling now?'

'Less groggy than I did earlier on. Have you been here all night?'

'Yeah mate I have.'

'What time is it?' Jeff asked blinking a few times trying to move his arms up to rub his face, but he wasn't having much luck.

'7.30, here what do you want?' Dixie asked noticing Jeff trying to move his arms.

'I just wanted to rub my face, that's all, cannot even bloody do that.'

Dixie gave her friend a look of sympathy before going over to the sink in the corner of his room placing the flannel she had brought him under the hot tap so she could wipe his face around for him. Dixie brought it back over to the bed and gently washed Jeff's face dabbing it off with the towel. Jeff looked annoyed but felt slightly better at having his face washed, he felt a little more awake than he did.

'You going into work today?' He asked noticing she was already in her uniform.

'Yeah, I start in an hour. I need to fill in the paperwork from yesterday and contact the trust to let them know about you. But, don't you worry about that, leave it all to me.'

'When will you be coming back?'

'Visiting times are 2 until 4, then 6 until 8. I am not allowed to come and see you when I like, so, I am going to come and sit with you then, if you still want me to.'

'What will I do if I need you?'

'Call me on the mobile Jeff. I have charged yours up for you and it is there.' Dixie pointed to Jeff's phone which was on the tray.

'If it hasn't escaped your attention Kathleen, I cannot use my bloody hands so how the fuck am I meant to call you?' Jeff spat back at Dixie.

'Ask one of the nurses to call me then. If you need anything brought in, let me know and I will pick it up for you.'

Jeff sighed heavily before looking at the things Dixie had brought in for him thinking about what he was going to do to fill his day. He looked over at his wife who had put her jacket on and could see she was holding something. 'What's that?'

'Oh, we need to pick you your food for the day. I have had a look down, would you like me to choose for you, or shall I read it out for you?' Dixie asked hoping Jeff would settle down a little having some say in what he ate.

'Who is going to give me my food then?'

'Well, I guess the nurses will.'

'Do I get a choice in what I eat or have you already done that for me?'

'I have chosen your breakfast for you; you can either have soup or a salad for lunch, spaghetti Bolognese or chicken pie for dinner. Which do you want?'

'Soup and the pie.'

Dixie ticked off the choices and left the card on the end of Jeff's tray for the nurses to collect when they came back. She looked at the time; she needed to make a move soon.

'Jeff, I need to go now and get to work. I will be back at 2 to sit with you.' Dixie leant over to kiss Jeff, but he moved his head away from her so that she couldn't. 'OK, well, see you later then love.'

Dixie moved off the bed and headed to the door looking back at Jeff who was staring out of the window. She made her way out of the ward and down to the Ambulance Station heading for her office. She needed to have a look at the rotas and call the agency to get a replacement paramedic sent over to cover Jeff while he was away. Dixie caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she looked pale and tired where she hadn't slept, she needed to freshen herself up before the shift started. After she called the agency, she went into the shower room and had a quick shower before putting her uniform back on again.

She sat down with another coffee at her desk to begin writing the report that she would e mail over to the trust, then all she could do was wait for them to read it and contact her. Dixie spent the next few hours completing paperwork and reports that she was meant to have done last night, she bound herself to the Ambulance station so that she could sneak off and see Jeff again at 2pm.

The morning seemed to go past pretty quickly for Dixie as she caught up on all her paperwork, read through reports from the other teams and looked at the rotas for the next few weeks. It was nearly time to go and see Jeff when her phone rang.

'Hello.'

'Hello Mrs Collier its Sister Pearce here from Victoria Ward. There is nothing to worry about Jeff is absolutely fine although he would like you to pick up the iPod for him, he also wants a photo of his children as well.'

'OK, not a problem, tell him I will bring them up when I come later on.'

Dixie hung up the phone and looked at the clock again, she had an hour to get home, pick up what Jeff wanted and get back. That was her lunch break gone right there. Sighing to herself an ignoring the hunger pains she was getting, Dixie contacted Ambulance Dispatch to tell them she would be unavailable for the next three hours but will be back at 4pm as rapid response before she headed home once more.

Little Abs was going mental as Dixie walked in cursing to him that he had done his business in the middle of the kitchen although she couldn't blame him, he had been on his own for longer than usual. She let him out, cleared up the mess and replenished his food. Dixie was going to have to find someone to take Abs for a little while. She found the iPod, put some more music on it before getting a photo of John and Sophia for Jeff. Dixie went into her own room to freshen up a little more packing a small bag of underwear and clothes that she could leave in her office; she doubted she would be seeing much of home while Jeff was in hospital.

Heading back to Victoria Ward, Dixie was stopped again by the Ward Sister who informed her that Jeff had been far from cooperative when the nurses went to feed him his breakfast and lunch, the sister also said that Jeff had refused to be washed, so, she asked if Dixie could either wash him or talk him around. Dixie was mortified to learn of how Jeff was behaving, she apologised profusely on his behalf before walking down to his room.

'Hey, got you what you wanted.' Dixie said as she went over to Jeff placing the photo where he could see it and the iPod on his tray. 'The nurse tells me you haven't been behaving yourself.'

Jeff didn't answer her; he sat there staring at the wall in front of him.

'Jeff, they are only trying to help, you need to eat something and let them help you. I know you are finding it hard, but, they are here to care for you.'

Jeff still didn't answer her. Dixie could see his face becoming red as he screwed up his features.

'Have you had a wash yet love?' Dixie knew the answer to this question, but she wanted Jeff to answer it, the next two hours would be pretty boring if they said nothing.

'It's embarrassing; I don't want them touching me.'

'Jeff, you need help love.' Dixie could hear him sigh heavily before she continued, 'Would you like me to do it?'

'No I fucking don't.'

'OK, ok, I'm sorry.'

Dixie sat down in the chair again looking over at her friend, it was clear that he was finding this all hard to cope with, she just wanted to help him, but he kept on pushing her away. She thought about what she could ask him, but, everything she thought of would be met by a sarcastic comment from him.

'Has the Doctor been into see you yet?'

Jeff nodded.

'What did he say love?'

'That I am royally screwed thanks to my boss.' Dixie looked hurt at his comment before she looked to the floor fiddling with her nails trying to fight back her own tears. Jeff had noticed this as he turned his head, 'Sorry, Dix, I didn't mean it. I am just so damn bored, I cannot do anything, I cannot get up and walk around, go to the loo anything.'

Dixie nodded and raised a slight smile at him before he told her that the doctor had been over and had checked everything, apparently Jeff could come home in three weeks provided the hip has healed properly but he would have to have the casts on his arms for another 8 weeks after that before they took them off. Jeff told Dixie he would have to have crutches to help him get around while his hip was still healing and would need to attend physio after the casts came off.

'So we are looking at about 12 weeks before we know if you have healed then?' Dixie asked.

'At least. After that, well, your guess is as good as mine Dix. I doubt I will be back at work for at least 5 – 6 months.'

Dixie sighed, 'I had better contact the trust and let them know.'

'Why?'

'Well, you are going to need someone with you looking after you aren't you?'

'Suppose.' The couple fell silent once more.

While Dixie was there with Jeff the nurses came in again to see if he would let them wash him, he allowed them to wash his upper body only with Dixie there, but that was all. Dixie watched as Jeff was moved about by the two nurses as they washed him and placed one of his T shirts on him. She felt bad for him, he looked so embarrassed throughout the whole thing and refused to make eye contact with any of them. Dixie felt for him, she really did, it was clear that this was killing him.

The time soon came for her to go, Dixie again got up to give Jeff a kiss leaving him with the same instruction as before to call if he needed anything else before she headed out to the RRV. Dixie wasn't waiting long for her first call out, it seemed odd to her being in the RRV on her own, but, she knew it had to be done. She had worked out that she needed to stay on until 11 that night to make up for the four hours she would be spending with Jeff before starting work again at 5am the following day. Wiping her own eyes and putting the air con on full to cold, Dixie started the engine and headed out to the call feeling the sleep deprivation hitting her.


	9. Chapter 9

**A / N – Apologies for the long time in-between updates. I hope this makes up for it in some way. The next few chapters in this fic may make you shout, cry, or get cross as someone is being a little beggar to Dixie. Anyway, please enjoy and tell me what you think in the reviews. I have no experience of caring for someone with injuries, although I do have experience of caring for someone who is disabled, so I have gone on that knowledge for the most part. **

**Thank you to all who are reading and reviewing as well as following, tis much appreciated. **

Dixie finished preparing dinner making sure everything was in the slo cooker on time. She had prepared one of Jeff's favourite meals, lamb casserole, he loved it and she thought he would appreciate it when he got home. Anything had to be better than the food he was currently eating, well, picking at, she thought to herself as she gave everything one final stir before placing the lid on top.

She had been up for a few hours making sure the house was ready for when Jeff came home, she had moved furniture around in the lounge to try and make it a little easier for him and had changed his bedding ready. Dixie had moved some of her belongings into Jeff's room as she would be sleeping with him while he recovered, she didn't want him to wake up in the night and need her for her not to be there. She had even found time to cut the grass and wash the car, jobs Jeff would have usually done. She knew she was going to have to do a lot around the house over the coming months, but, as long as Jeff let her look after him, she didn't mind.

Dixie had gone way passed the stage of sleep deprivation over the last 6 weeks, she had worked tirelessly so she could spend all the visiting hours with Jeff although he wasn't great company, she wanted him to know she was still there for him. Jeff, on the other hand, had continued to be a pain in everyone's backside while he was in hospital, he refused to let the nurses shave him, so was currently supporting a beard, he had also refused to be washed properly by anyone. Dixie had tried one day to wash him and that ended in a blazing argument between the couple. Maybe he would let her once he was in his own home? She had to remain hopeful, although she couldn't be so sure. He was taking this immobility badly, typical of him really.

Dixie sighed as she drank her coffee, she knew the next two months were going to be hard, so, she was glad that her replacement was so understanding. The Ambulance Trust had been good about the whole thing, Jeff had received a written warning for his actions and was granted sick leave on full pay for the first three months, after that, the trust would review his case each month along with medical reports. They had also granted Dixie two months leave to care for Jeff, she had to have this on a reduced salary, but, she didn't mind, they had enough savings to support themselves if they needed to.

It was nearly time to get Jeff, but, she wanted to pop into the Ambulance Station to check that everything was alright before she did. She knew her replacement could cope, she had every faith in them, but, the service had changed considerably over the last few years, her job had changed, she just wanted to make sure they were prepared for every eventuality.

Dixie wondered through the cavernous bay towards her office, it seemed strange seeing someone else sitting in her chair as she approached the door, but, that was how it was going to be until she could return to work. She smiled as she knocked on her own office door to go in.

'Come in.'

'Hey, just thought I would see how you were settling in.'

'Dixie, you do not need to knock, this is still your office, I am merely looking after it until you get back.'

'I know that, I was being polite, you are in charge at the moment, not me.'

'It is still your station Dixie, just because you are not here doesn't mean it isn't.'

'I know love. Thanks for agreeing to this, I wouldn't have wanted someone I didn't know running this place.'

'I am honoured that you thought of me.'

Dixie smiled and looked to the floor briefly, she was going to miss coming into work, she had practically lived in the Ambulance Station while Jeff was in hospital, it was going to seem weird not coming back to work for some time. Her silence didn't go unnoticed by Josh.

'Dixie, is everything OK?'

'Yeah, everything is fine love.'

'Are you sure?'

Dixie let out a sigh; she didn't know what to do. She hadn't really spoken to anyone about what had happened or how she was feeling, she hadn't even told Polly as she would only worry, but, there was something about Josh and his manner that made her want to open up to him. She thought that it was because he didn't know about the situation that is what made it so easy to talk to him. 'Dixie, talk to me, what is going on? Why are you taking leave?'

'What did the Trust tell you?'

'Only that you were going on special leave for a couple of months and had requested me to come and take the helm in your absence.'

'So they didn't tell you why I needed the leave?'

'No, why should they, it is personal to you. But, Dixie, I am here for you. I know we didn't get off on the right foot when you started here, but you have come so far.'

Dixie sat down in the chair and sighed once more, maybe talking to someone who knew nothing about what had happened would be what she needed right about now. 'If I tell you, you have to promise me you won't laugh or judge me in anyway Josh.'

'Dixie, you know I wouldn't, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to.' Josh had moved to sit next to his colleague.

'It's Jeff.'

'Collier?'

'Yeah.'

'What has he done now?' Josh asked, he knew Jeff, he knew he was always getting into hot water and he also knew that Dixie was the one to often bail him out.

'He got hurt on a shout; he went into a building that was near enough rubble when I told him not to. He had dislocated his hip, punctured his lung and has two broken arms. He has been here in hospital for the past six weeks.'

'OK, so, how do you fit into this then?' Josh asked slightly confused.

'I am taking leave to care for him when he comes home, which is today.'

'Hang on, why are you caring for him; surely his wife can do that?' Josh asked slightly puzzled. The last time he had seen Jeff, he was married with two children.

'I am his wife.' Dixie replied looking up into Josh's face.

'Oh, when did this happen? I thought you were…'

'I am. It happened nearly three years ago, our anniversary is next month.' Dixie replied.

'Right, that makes sense now. Dixie, you are a strong woman, you can do this.'

'Can I? It is going to be hard for us Josh, but I need to be there for him.'

Josh didn't know how to respond to her, it was a bit of a bombshell that she and Jeff were married, but, he knew Dixie of old and knew she would cope just fine.

'What time is he being discharged?'

'About now.' Dixie replied getting up to leave. As she did, she felt Josh place his hand on her shoulder, 'I am here for you Dixie, if ever it gets too much, you can call me and talk. You are a strong person and Jeff is lucky to have you.'

Dixie smiled as she left heading across to Jeff's ward to pick him up wondering what sort of mood he would be in today. She knew it wasn't going to be good when the Ward Sister called her in to speak with her about Jeff, she felt like she was in the head teacher's office being told that her son had been misbehaving in class. Jeff had been a little beggar by all accounts, refusing to be washed, dressed amongst other things. Dixie felt her face getting redder with mortification as she heard what he had been up to. She apologised profusely before signing the paperwork so Jeff could come home.

The drive home was silent; Jeff didn't speak to her at all. Dixie had given up making conversation with him; it was obvious he wasn't going to talk. She pulled up on the drive and got out opening the front door before she went around to the passenger side to help Jeff out of the car. He didn't move a muscle as she released his seatbelt, he just scowled. Once she had got him indoors and removed his shoes, she told him to sit on the sofa while she got his belongings in from the car.

Dixie looked in on Jeff who was sat watching the TV; she had put some of his clothes in the washing machine along with putting his possessions back in his room for later on. She had made him a cup of tea and had taken it into him. She had bought a plastic mug with a lid so she could fit a straw through it. It seemed a little silly at the time, but, if he knocked it over, it wouldn't be a problem.

'Are you fucking kidding me?'

'No, I thought this would be easier for you to grip in your casts rather than one of our mugs.'

'I am 38 Dixie, not 3.'

'I know love; I was only trying to help.' Dixie replied softly as she moved the mug into his hands to see if he could grip it. She had seen the nurses do this with him in hospital so knew he could hold it in his casts and take a drink himself. She watched him take a few sips before he held it back out so she could take it and place it on the table.

'Jeff, do you want a bath before dinner?'

'No.'

'OK, how about a shave then? I am not sure the caveman look suits you.'

'I said NO, will you just fuck off woman and leave me alone.'

Dixie had to fight back the tears in her eyes, she only wanted to help him, but he was being stubborn as always. Taking a deep breath, she decided to take action; she was not putting up with his behaviour.

'I have had enough of this Collier, you are going to have a shave and a bath and you are going to have it now.' Dixie got up and pulled Jeff up off the sofa.

'Dix, I am not going anywhere.'

'Jeff, mate, you stink, I am not going to beat around the bush with you, you absolutely reek. Your clothes are smelly and you look like you have just given up. I am not having you carry on like this, you may have got away with this in the hospital but you most certainly will not in our home.' Dixie tried to keep her tone harsh to let him know she was in charge and was going to care for him no matter what. Deep down she was shaking, the last things she wanted to do was upset him and have another argument.

They walked up the stairs in silence, Dixie sat Jeff down on the toilet as she turned to running the bath, she had shut the door so he couldn't make a run for it when her back was turned. Once she had the water to the right temperature she added some bubble bath swirling it around before she turned her attention to Jeff.

Dixie knew this was going to be hard on both of them, but it had to be done and best to get it done first so they can move on rather than prolong the inevitable. She slowly walked over to Jeff kneeling in front of him removing his socks placing them in the linen basket at the side. She slowly knelt up placing her hands either side of his waist on his T Shirt to pull it over his head, as soon as he felt her hands on him; Jeff pulled his arms to the side preventing her from taking his top off.

'Jeff, come on love.'

He continued to stare passed her refusing to move his arms. Dixie tried again, but was unsuccessful; he had turned himself into a dead weight. She moved back to the bath to turn the taps off, she didn't want to do what she was about to do next, but, he had left her with no choice.


	10. Chapter 10

**A / N – Bath time saga continues. I do really feel for both of them in this situation, can I just say now, for the record, there is nothing sexual in what you are about to read, it is not intended to be in any way at all. It did make me a little upset as I wrote it, so, I apologise now for any tears or feelings of sadness. **

**I would like to say a huge thank you to Raven Shadowrose who read part of this chapter for me yesterday and gave me her thoughts. Thank you hun for being at the end of a PM and so willing to help! **

Dixie had hoped it wouldn't come to this, she had read about caring for people who had injuries on internet forums and this seemed to be something that came up on a few postings. She knew how to care for Jeff, she was a Paramedic after all, but, caring for him as her husband and best friend was something completely out of the ordinary, there was no manual or training course for that.

Dixie looked at the wall and took in a deep breath, she needed to stay strong for Jeff now and show him this didn't faze her in the slightest, although it did. Slowly she turned around and sat on the floor in front of him, as she did, she pulled her own socks off and placed them in the linen basket. That was the easy part, she thought to herself, it was about to get harder. Jeff looked on wondering what Dixie was up to, he couldn't quite work out why she had taken her socks off as well.

Slowly Dixie sat up kneeling in front of Jeff as she bunched her top up in her own hands taking it off over her head. She was now facing Jeff without her top on; just her jeans and bra were on show. Jeff didn't know where to look; his face blushed as he tried to look away from Dixie. She edged herself closer to him before placing her hands gently on his waist gradually removing his T shirt. Jeff let her take it off; he wasn't going to argue with her, he was just embarrassed at seeing her chest.

Once she had taken it off, she placed it with hers, in the linen basket. Dixie wrapped Jeff's casts in black sacs tying them securely so they wouldn't get wet as she bathed him. As she was standing, she undid her jeans dropping them to the floor before stepping out of them. She was now stood in front of her best mate in nothing but her bra and knickers, she was embarrassed to say the least, but it did seem to be helping. She held out her hands as Jeff placed his covered cast arms into them slowly standing next to her. Dixie undid his jeans and pulled them down guiding his feet out of them as she did so. She stood up once more picking both jeans up and placing them in the linen basket.

They were both stood in their bathroom in nothing but their underwear. For the first time, Jeff made eye contact with her; she could see tears falling down his face. Her heart melted. It really did. She pulled him close to her body hugging him tightly as he cried into her shoulder. Dixie ran her hand over his back and head soothing him as much as she was able to. They didn't speak to one another, the silence and touch was enough comfort.

After a few minutes, Dixie spoke softly in Jeff's ear, 'Are you ready love?'

Jeff nodded as Dixie pulled him out of her embrace. She placed her hands behind her back and unclasped her bra letting it slide off her arms and onto the floor. She maintained her eye contact with Jeff as she moved her hands down to her knickers, but was stopped.

'Don't Dix; you don't need to do anymore.' Jeff whispered softly.

Dixie nodded at Jeff, she was feeling embarrassed enough, but, it helped to get him to undress. She moved her hands to the waistband of his underwear before she brought them down. Jeff stepped out of them as she picked them and her bra up off the floor placing them in the linen box as well.

As Dixie stood up next to Jeff, she noticed he was crying once more.

'Jeff, what is it love?' Dixie asked.

'I need the loo.' He said quietly.

'OK love, it's OK.' Dixie replied trying to look into his eyes once more to reassure him.

'No it isn't.'

'Why isn't it OK? You cannot help it if you need to go mate.' Dixie said sympathetically as she rubbed the top of his arm.

'I cannot, you know.' Jeff said before he looked away embarrassed by what he was saying.

Dixie placed her arm around him once more before she lifted the lid on the toilet. 'I will be outside OK, call me when you need me.'

'No Dix, I will wait, I will hold on.'

'No Jeff, don't be silly, you could make yourself ill if you did that.'

'I can't ask you to, it isn't right.'

'Jeff, I am here for you and I will do everything for you. Do not worry about being embarrassed or anything like that at all, do you hear me?' Dixie waited for Jeff to nod before she spoke again, 'Now, go on, do what you need to and call me when you need me to come in.'

Dixie left the bathroom closing the door behind her. She left to go into Jeff's bedroom where she put her dressing gown on sitting down on the end of the bed thinking back over what she had just done and what she was about to go in and do. She felt a nauseating feeling rise from within her making her gag. She couldn't do that in front of Jeff, it would make him feel even worse than he already did. She knew from the Ward Sister that Jeff had not opened his bowels for a long time and they were quiet concerned, they only let him out in the hopes that he did once he was home. Dixie hadn't told Jeff that if he didn't, he would be back in hospital again. Dixie tried to compose herself once more, she had to remain strong for him, she needed to help him no matter how hard it was or how it made her feel inside.

'DIX'

Dixie wiped her eyes and took in a few deep breaths looking at herself in the mirror before she went to the bathroom door.

'I am here; do you want me to come in?'

'No.'

'Jeff, what are you up to?'

'I can't ask you to do this Dix, it is wrong and embarrassing.'

Dixie sighed placing her head against the bathroom door as she spoke again, 'have you been Jeff?'

'Yes.' He replied meekly.

'OK sweetheart, listen to what I am going to say.'

Dixie heard Jeff sniff behind the door, 'Jeff, I am going to open the door in a minute and come in. Once I am in, I will close it behind me OK?'

Dixie listened again, she heard nothing but sniffing.

'I am then going to walk over to you and clean you up OK. Then, once I have done that, I will help you into the bath.'

Dixie didn't know if this would work or not, the poor man had already been through enough today without this, but, she hoped that her calm instructions would settle him a little more. Slowly, she placed her hand on the handle opening the door; Dixie didn't look at Jeff straight away, but turned to close the door behind her. Without talking, she walked over to him and helped him up before taking the toilet roll off the holder.

Jeff leaned onto her burying his head into her shoulder as she started to clean him. Dixie could feel the urge to be sick rising once more, she was finding this hard, but she knew Jeff was finding it harder than she was. She did the best she could for him and moved quickly so not to cause further humiliation.

She quickly flushed the toilet before washing her hands in the sink. Dixie turned to face Jeff, who was red from embarrassment, 'Oh love, it is OK.'

'I am sorry…'

'You have nothing to be sorry for, come on, let's get you in the bath.'

Once he was in the bath, Dixie went to remove her dressing gown to try and make him feel more comfortable, but was stopped once more.

'You don't need to Dixie, I appreciate what you did, but, you really don't need to.'

'It's fine Jeff.'

'No, it isn't Dix; you shouldn't have to of undressed yourself so I could feel more comfortable. I should be more grown up about this.'

Dixie smiled at him, it was the first time they had managed to have a civil conversation with each other since he was admitted into hospital, and she hoped it would continue. She picked up the sponge and ran it over his face before working along his chest and arms being careful not to make them too wet. Dixie worked her way around his stomach before going to his back.

'That feels lovely.' Jeff said

'I am glad it does, it is quite therapeutic washing someone else.'

'Really? Even if it is me?'

'Especially as it is you.'

The couple relaxed into a laugh before Dixie looked up at Jeff. 'Are you ready for me to wash you lower down now?'

'Are you comfortable with it Dix? Never mind me, what about you?'

'Jeff, you do not need to worry about me, I am here to look after you and give you whatever you need whenever you need it.'

'You will live to regret saying that Mrs Collier.' Jeff smirked as Dixie tapped him on the nose with the sponge.

Dixie smiled at her husband, he seemed a little happier at the moment; she wondered just how long that would last. She noticed Jeff look up and to the wall avoiding eye contact with her again, she gathered that he was uncomfortable with what was about to happen, but it needed to be done. Slowly Dixie moved him slightly forward in the bath so she could run the sponge over his bum cleaning him once more before she headed to the front.

Jeff took in a shaky breath; he was trying to keep his composure together as he felt Dixie run the sponge over his thighs and legs. Although he felt a lot better about himself now he was having a bath, he was still mortified at what had happened in the last 45 minutes between them. He tried not to think about Dixie washing him but it was difficult. He wondered how she felt about this all; she was one hell of a strong woman to undress in front of him just to get his clothes off. Jeff didn't want this to change or spoil their relationship, she meant everything to him.

Dixie noticed Jeff had drifted into a world of his own as she washed his hair for him, she could see the humiliation written across his face. She continued to wash and rinse his hair before she pulled the plug out of the bath. Dixie got up going over to the towels before returning to Jeff to dry off his hair before she helped him once more out of the bath.

Jeff stood on the bath mat while Dixie dried him off with the towel, she was being careful with her touch so not to hurt him in anyway. He felt her wrap the towel around his waist and tie it in the corner.

'Do you want me to shave you Jeff?'

Jeff shook his head, 'could we do it tomorrow babe, I am feeling quite tired.'

'Ok Love. Let's get you into something more comfortable than a towel then.'

Dixie wasn't going to pursue shaving Jeff, he had gone through enough already that evening and he did look pretty worn out. She guided him back into his bedroom where she found him some clean boxers and a t shirt to wear in bed.

'Jeff, I am going to take the towel off now, OK sweetheart?'

Jeff nodded as he fixed his gaze on the wall in front of him as Dixie removed the towel and dressed him. She sat him down on the end of the bed as she removed her dressing gown and put her pyjamas on. Jeff didn't look at her while she did this; she deserved some privacy at least. He looked around his room noticing some of Dixie's things in there as well, it confused him, so he decided to ask her about it.

'Dix?'

'Yeah mate.'

'Why is your stuff in my room?'

'I am going to stay here with you while you get better. I don't want you to be waking up in the night needing me and for me to not hear you, or get here quick enough, so, I was going to share with you. Is that OK?'

Jeff smiled and nodded, although it was going to be weird sharing his bed with his best friend, he was glad she was willing to be there for him whenever he needed her.

'Come on, let's go and have dinner then.' Dixie suggested helping Jeff to his feet once more.

The remainder of the evening passed without too much fuss, Dixie fed Jeff his dinner at the table before he went for a lie down on the sofa. Once he was settled with the blanket wrapped around him, Dixie left to clear up. She hadn't eaten dinner herself yet; she wanted to make sure Jeff was OK before she thought about herself. She wasn't really that hungry anymore, she looked down at Jeff's plate, he hadn't eaten all of his dinner, so, she picked at the leftovers before turning to the washing up. She thought back over the last few hours in their household, it had been embarrassing for both of them, but, humiliating for such an independent man like Jeff. She wondered how he was going to cope as the weeks went on, would he willingly let her bathe him and clean him like he did tonight? She hoped so, but something was telling her not to get her hopes up just yet.

**A / N – Not the most amazing ending to the chapter. I couldn't think of how else to end it. Thank you for reading. **


	11. Chapter 11

Dixie stood in front of the bathroom mirror, Jeff had been home for a couple of days now and it had been difficult for both of them. She knew he wouldn't stay cooperative, and he hadn't. Everything was a challenge, to say he was behaving like a petulant child was an understatement.

To top it all off, Jeff wasn't sleeping that well, he was very restless in bed and would often move about and wake up. Dixie couldn't sleep with him next to her. It wasn't the fact that she was sharing a bed with a man, but, more the fact that he was always waking up either wanting a drink, or to be taken to the toilet or have the covers rearranged. Sometimes he would apologise for keeping her awake, but, more often than not, he was in such a foul mood at not being able to sleep, he didn't care that she was being kept awake as well. His solution, he was up so she should be up as well.

Last night was one of those nights.

Here she now was, 5 in the morning staring at her tired complexion in the mirror of the bathroom. She tried to keep calm with him, she really did. Every time he woke her up she would talk to him calmly, take any telling off she got and do as he asked without any fuss. Dixie would even cuddle up to Jeff to soothe him so he could get some sleep, each time she went anywhere near him, he would push her away with his arm and try to wriggle to the other side of the bed. Each time he rejected her. She tried not to let it get to her, but it was slowly eating away at her already frayed emotions. She only wanted to do right by him; maybe this was her punishment for not stopping him from going into a collapsing building, and maybe this was karma.

Slowly Dixie brushed her hair and tied it back into her usual pony tail with the front falling out covering her ears. She hadn't had chance to get to the hair dressers so it was longer than she would have liked it to have been. Dixie looked at the bags forming under her eyes and wondered how much longer she could keep this up. There was only so much eye makeup and foundation could hide. Dixie slowly removed her pyjama top revealing many bruises over her chest and stomach. She turned slightly to her right looking at the latest addition to the clan. She lightly ran her hand over it and winced as her fingers made contact with the bruise. Dixie sighed to herself as she proceeded to get dressed for the day. Jeff didn't know he had been hurting her; he would have been mortified if he knew. Or would he? Dixie wasn't sure anymore, was he hurting her to make her suffer for what happened to him? Surely not. When Jeff moved in bed at night his arms would often hit Dixie as she lay next to him. She knew he was unaware of what he was doing or even his own strength, but, every time she helped him up, every time he leant on her, they would hurt. Dixie continued to conceal her pain from him; he didn't need to know about it.

Suddenly there was an almighty crash from the bedroom which made her jump.

'FUCKING HELL DIXIE WHERE ARE YOU?' Jeff shouted from the bedroom. Dixie stopped getting dressed instantly and flew out of the bathroom in a T Shirt and pyjama bottoms running into the bedroom to find Jeff on the floor.

'WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN WOMAN?' He shouted once more looking up at his concerned wife.

'I…I…I was in the bathroom love. Sorry. What happened?' Dixie said apologetically as she bent down to help him get to his feet perching him back on the bed.

'What do you think happened? I fell out of the bed.' Jeff replied sarcastically.

'Jeff, what were you doing trying to get out of bed, you know that you….'

'Can't? I know that Dix. But let's look at it from my point of view shall we? Eh? I woke up, needing to have a wee but the one person who is meant to be looking after me isn't there to help me.'

Dixie looked down to the floor as she spoke, 'I am sorry.' She whispered.

'So you bloody should be. I could have really hurt myself because of you.' Jeff spat back. Dixie could hear the anger in his voice as he spoke to her. He was right; he could have really hurt himself.

Dixie accepted yet another telling off from her husband before she helped him to his feet taking him to the bathroom. She left him to do what he needed to as she waited outside leaning up against the wall fighting her own emotions and exhaustion.

'Ready for you.' Jeff called signalling that it was OK for her to go in. Dixie took a deep breath before she went in closing the door behind her as she did so.

Dixie spent the morning washing and cleaning not to mention being at Jeff's every beckoning call. Every time he called her she came running, she couldn't quite believe what she was doing or allowing him to get away with. If this was any normal day she would have told him where to go, but, deep down she still blamed herself for his injuries.

Dixie brought Jeff another tea, 'Polly has text. She is back off her holiday and wants to know if she can come and see you. Would you like that?'

'Yeah, why not.'

'OK, I will text her back and arrange something.' Jeff merely nodded in reply before turning back to the TV once more holding out his mug for her to take and place on the coffee table.

Dixie moved from the sofa straightening the cushion behind Jeff before she went to leave the room. As she did, the doorbell rang causing Jeff to jump and Abs to bark.

'That better not be Polly or someone else we work with coming to pity me.'

'No love, it isn't' Dixie replied wearily.

'Who is it then?'

'Tesco with the shopping.' Dixie replied as she made her way to the front door plastering on a smile as she opened it.

'Good afternoon Mrs Collier. Everything is there for you, no substitutions, where would you like it?'

'Just there is fine thank you I can take it through.' Dixie replied as she started to take the bags from the crates and into the kitchen.

'Have you been having a good day so far Mrs Collier?' The delivery man asked as he continued to hand Dixie the shopping.

'Yes, thanks Love'.

'You better take the paper before it gets crushed.' He held out the newspaper for Dixie to take, she thanked him before taking it into Jeff.

'Here you are love, I got you a newspaper.' Jeff looked at her as she placed it on his lap, flat so he could have a look at the front page while she finished bringing the shopping in. Dixie hadn't long left the room to continue to take the shopping from the Tesco Driver before Jeff called out once more.

'DIX, COME AND TURN THE PAGE FOR ME.'

The Delivery man looked at Dixie rather oddly not really believing what he had just heard, he looked even more strangely at her as she blushed, gave him an awkward smile and trotted off into the lounge to do as Jeff asked.

When she returned, Dixie was mortified at having a complete stranger see her run off to her husband, God only knows what it looked like, he must have thought Jeff was one lazy man. She grabbed the shopping as quickly as she could before signing for it and closing the door.

'READ THAT PAGE, I NEED YOU AGAIN.'

Dixie sighed to herself before going in once more to turn the page for him. Once he was occupied with reading a longer article, Dixie plucked up the courage and strength to talk to him again, 'I need to put the shopping away love; will you be alright for a few minutes?'

Jeff nodded as he continued to read the newspaper, Dixie stood their looking exasperated hoping he would look up and see she was tired encouraging her to sit down for a minute, but he didn't, he just carried on like she wasn't there.

Silently she left the lounge and headed into the kitchen where she pulled the door to silently crying as she put the shopping away. Dixie knew that looking after Jeff was going to be hard, he isn't the best patient when he has flu, but, she had no idea it would be like this. The forums she had been reading were right, it was one hell of an emotional rollercoaster, one minute they were laughing and joking with each other, the next, she was being told off and shouted at. Dixie still struggled with Jeff's hygiene; she found it hard to clean him after he had been to the toilet. She still even struggled to wash and dress him, he would often become a dead weight so, but, at least he didn't continue to expect her to strip off at the same time. She had done it a couple of times, but, he had stopped her from doing it again. She was grateful for that, it showed her that even though he would shout and scream he still cared and respected her privacy. Dixie wondered again, how much longer that would last.

Meanwhile, Jeff was sat in the lounge totally oblivious to what he wife was doing in the kitchen and how she was currently feeling. All he was concerned about was himself and how he was feeling. He had worked out how to turn the pages of the newspaper himself, he didn't really need Dixie to come and do it for him, but, if she was willing to come running when he called, then he would play up to that for as long as possible.

_**A / N – Anyone want to deck Jeff one yet? You will soon. Xx **_


	12. Chapter 12

_**A / N – There is now a waiting list to deck the lovely Jeff Collier following from the updates this week. I am afraid Dixie is still very much first in the list; it will take a lot to knock her off first place. Anyway, hope you enjoy this next instalment. The bit in Italics is a flashback by the way. Thank you for your reviews, much appreciated, this is part one; I decided to split this over two chapters. **_

'Jeff come on sweetheart, please.' Dixie was practically begging with her husband to let her undress him so that he could have a bath. He had turned himself into yet another dead weight and had been a stubborn sod all evening, well, since Josh left really.

'Jeff love why are you being like this?' Dixie asked as she sat back on her legs looking at her husband, frustration and defeat written across her face.

'Why do you think?'

'I have no idea.'

'Do you seriously expect me to believe that?'

'You are going to have to help me out a bit here handsome. Have I done something to upset you?' Dixie said softly. She had been trying to get him undressed now for a good 30 minutes, each time she thought she had succeeded, he would take back control showing he had the upper hand, not her.

'Don't play all innocent with me Kathleen.' Jeff looked directly into Dixie's eyes; she knew she was for it now he had used her first name. She could see nothing but anger in his face as he spoke to her. She was too exhausted to argue back with him or stand her ground, she was just going to have to accept and take whatever was coming in her direction.

'Did it make you feel better? Telling Josh about me, about us, what we are going through? Did it make you feel good lying to him, telling him all those things about me? WELL DID IT?'

'Jeff….I'

'DON'T BLOODY INTERRUPT ME WOMAN.' Jeff shouted as he swung his right arm around catching Dixie on the left hand side of her face. She jerked backwards as his fingers and cast made contact with her cheek, she could feel it burning, it hurt so much that her eyes began to water. She sat there looking up at Jeff, horrified at what he had just done. She daren't move from where she was, she didn't have the energy. They both sat in silence, Dixie was holding her face letting tears stream from her eyes while Jeff looked on.

_It had been a difficult morning for the Colliers, Jeff had a physio appointment at the hospital to assess the strength of his right leg and hip after it had been on traction. He had been doing the exercises he was shown in hospital, Dixie made sure he did them even though he didn't want to. He was walking for longer unsupported which was a good sign. The physio therapist was positive that he would be able to walk around and put more weight on his leg in a matter of weeks. _

_Dixie had helped Jeff throughout the session and had taken on board all the new exercises he now had to do. They had stopped off at the Ambulance Station for a catch up and coffee before they went home, no one was around really, must have been a busy day, so they just helped themselves to a drink before going home. _

_Dixie had text Josh to see how things were going, she mentioned they had popped in to say hello but left as no one was around. She wasn't expecting Josh to text back to say he was finishing soon and was planning to pop in. _

'_Jeff, Josh wants to come and see you in a little bit; I said it would be OK.' Dixie called from the kitchen. _

'_Blimey, not seen him in years. How is he settling back in then Dix?' _

'_Fine I think, we will find out later when he comes over.' Dixie said as she walked into the lounge carrying Jeff's mug handing it to him. _

'_Thanks Babe.' _

'_How you feeling?' _

'_Tired, but OK. Could you loosen my top please, I don't want it tucked in anymore.' Jeff waited for Dixie to finish sorting his shirt out before he spoke again, 'So when is he coming?' _

'_He said he will be here in about 30 minutes.' _

'_Cool. Would be good to see him, but strange at the same time. We never really got on, me and Josh.' _

'_I am sure everything will be fine, it will do you good to see someone else other than me.' _

'_Yeah, you make a good point Dix.' Jeff said as he raised a smile at his wife. _

'_Cheeky sod.' Dixie replied getting up to change the washing over and let the dog out before Josh arrived. _

_The half an hour seemed to fly by for Dixie; she seemed to barely get anything done before the doorbell rang. Little Abs went mental at the front door. _

'_OK Abs that's enough.' She said as she moved him out of the way to get to the front door. _

'_Hello Dixie. How are you?' Josh asked as he came into the hallway removing his coat and shoes. _

'_Fine thanks Love, how is it all going at Holby?' _

'_Absolutely fine, nothing for you to worry about. Now, where is the patient?' _

'_I am in here.' Jeff called out as Josh followed the voice into the lounge to find Jeff on the sofa with his feet up on the poof wrapped in a blanket watching TV. _

'_Well you have been in the wars then haven't you? I see you haven't changed much.' Josh said as he took a seat on the armchair opposite Jeff. _

'_Yeah, guess I have. How you doing though?' _

'_Not too bad, getting back into life as a Paramedic thanks to your lovey wife.' Josh replied smiling up at Dixie who was stood in the doorway looking a little unsure of what to do with herself. _

_Jeff looked over at her standing there looking on at the pair of them, 'Dix, don't just stand there, make Josh a drink and while you are at it, I want another one.' _

_Dixie nodded before collecting Jeff's mug from the table. 'Would you like a tea Josh?' _

'_Honestly Dixie, I am fine, you don't need to.' _

'_She is going to make me one anyway, so, may as well make you one.' Jeff replied. _

'_If you are sure, that would be lovely.' Josh said. _

'_Do you take sugar or anything Josh?' Dixie asked as she went to leave the room. _

'_No, just milk please.' Josh was kind in his manner but he could see Dixie wasn't quite herself. She didn't look like the same Dixie he used to know, even though he had only been back a week, he was concerned for her wellbeing. It was obvious to him in the short space of time he had been in their house that Jeff clearly couldn't care less about his wife. This bothered Josh deeply._

'_Dix before you go, turn the TV off for me and move the blanket, I have had enough of being cocooned in it now.' _

_Josh looked on in horror at what he was witnessing. If he had spoken like that to his wife when she was alive, she would have killed him. He was pretty sure that under any normal circumstances that Jeff would have been slaughtered for talking to Dixie like that. Why was she letting him do it to her now? _

_Dixie smiled at him before she left the room to make the tea. _

'_So, how you been keeping Josh? Got bored of India did you.' Jeff asked looking at Josh as if nothing had happened. _

'_Yeah, well, Davika and I moved back over here, turned out she quite liked Holby and wanted to come back.' _

'_Why?'_

'_Apparently people are kind here and treat you with respect. It all kinda worked out well though when Dixie called me to ask if I was interested in taking over from her for a while.' _

'_Bet that was a shocker hearing her Northern tones again.' _

'_It was a welcome tone to my ears Jeff.' _

'_Yeah, don't talk rubbish like that mate.' Jeff smirked before tilting his head to one side, 'DIXIE, WHERE ARE YOU WITH THE TEA? GET A MOVE ON MATE.' _

_Josh was about to open his mouth to say something to Jeff when he heard footsteps coming down the hallway. Dixie appeared at the door carrying Jeff's mug and one for Josh. She went over to Josh first handing him the mug before giving Jeff his making sure he had hold of it in his hands before she let go. _

'_Sorry, I got a little side tracked in the kitchen.' Dixie said quickly and apologetically. _

'_It's OK Dixie, honestly.' Josh responded softly. _

_Jeff took a gulp of his tea ignoring what Josh had said before holding out the mug for Dixie to take and place on the table next to him. 'I will be in the kitchen then, Josh, did you want to stay for dinner?' _

'_Oh no Dixie, I couldn't impose on you like that.' _

'_It's fine love, no bother at all.' _

'_What we got for dinner then Dix?' Jeff asked feeling a little left out of the conversation. _

'_I was going to make a lasagne, is that OK with you?' _

_Both men nodded as Dixie left the room once more. _

_Josh and Jeff sat chatting for the rest of the afternoon while Dixie was stood in the kitchen preparing dinner. She moved the ironing pile off the dining room table placing it back in the kitchen on the side so she could set the table. As the lasagne was in the oven for another 45 minutes, she used that time to begin tackling the ironing that she had let build up. She didn't want to go in and disturb them, they sounded like they were having fun catching up. _

'_DIXIE, I NEED THE LOO.' Jeff called from his perch in the lounge. Dixie placed the iron back down before walking into see him. _

'_OK, well, come on then love.' Dixie said as she started to help Jeff up. _

'_I can take him Dixie.' Josh said as he started to get up. Jeff looked at him before looking at his wife; she could see the pleading in his eyes not to let that happen. _

'_It's OK Josh. I will take him; it will give you some peace for a moment.' _

_Josh looked on as Jeff leant into Dixie, he could have sworn he saw her face screw up in pain as she guided him out of the room and up the stairs. He took the minutes he had on his own to really think about what was going on. He wasn't one to get involved in other people's business; he learnt his lesson the hard way on that one once when he was stabbed in the ambulance. But, this was different. He knew Jeff was relying on Dixie for everything, but, was he really as helpless as he was making out? Josh wasn't so convinced. Then there was Dixie. She was always a strong character; she would never have stood for that before, what has changed now? Josh could see she was tired, drained and worn out. She hadn't stopped since he had arrived, every time Jeff called her, she came running. Josh was worried for her; he was even more worried that Jeff couldn't even see what his wife was doing to herself. He had to wonder if Dixie actually meant anything to Jeff for him to be treating her like he was and to be so oblivious to her exhaustion._

_Josh came to a conclusion, he was going to find out what was going on and make sure Jeff knew that speaking to his wife like that, treating her like he was, was far from acceptable. Although his intentions would be good, Josh was completely unaware of what was going to happen between the unlikely husband and wife duo once he had left. _

_**A / N – To be continued xxx **_


	13. Chapter 13

Jeff hadn't said a word to Dixie since he slapped her. He sat on the edge of the bath looking down at her as she moved up against the wall hugging her legs, holding her face. He could see the tears streaming down her cheeks and every now and again she would let out a slight whimper. Under any normal circumstances Jeff would not have hit her and, even if he had accidentally done that, he would be by her side holding her close, apologising profusely like there was no tomorrow. So, why wasn't he this time? Why was he so cross with her? Why was his blood boiling so much? Jeff continued to look at the person he called his best friend and wife before he had had enough walking out of the bathroom and into his bedroom.

Dixie looked on as he got up and hobbled out of the room. She heard him sit down on the bed in the other room. She hated the silence. Dixie slowly stood up holding onto the radiator for some support as she moved to the sink to wash her face. As she splashed cool water on her cheeks she looked up at herself in the mirror. Who am I? Dixie didn't recognise the person staring back at her. All she saw was a pale face with a slowly forming bruise on their left cheek. Dixie saw the blonde bedraggled hair falling out of the pony tail before she noticed the eyes, they looked tired and vacant. The person staring back at her wasn't her, this person was old, aged and worn out, and they were an emotional wreck. How did it get to this?

_While Josh was waiting for Jeff and Dixie to return, he got up and looked at the photos on their mantelpiece. He saw one of Jeff's children, Dixie's dad (well, he assumed he was her dad), Cyd, Greg and himself with Jeff and Dixie at the bowling alley one night. Josh chuckled to himself as he thought back to that night. He looked at Dixie in all of these photos, she was always smiling, her eyes were lit up and her hair was immaculate. In a couple of the photos he saw Jeff looking at her, he could see the pride in his face, the care he had for Dixie was evident in how he was looking at her when the photo was taken. Josh moved around the room until he found one of Jeff and Dixie on their wedding day. They were stood outside the Registry Office with Little Abs. Josh smiled, they both looked really happy. Jeff was holding the dog in one hand and, the other, was holding Dixie around her waist. Dixie was smiling as her head rested against Jeff's with her hand on his chest. Josh thought back to the couple he had seen leaving the room not five minutes ago; they are a far cry from the photo. _

'_Here you go love, sit yourself back down there, dinner won't be too much longer.' Dixie said kindly as she helped Jeff back onto the sofa placing his feet back on the poof. 'You alright Josh, would you like another tea?' _

'_Oh no Dixie, I am fine thank you.' Josh replied smiling at the woman in front of him before turning to look at Jeff who was yawning. 'Tired Jeff?' _

'_Yeah, sometimes it takes it out of me. We were at the hospital this morning then she wanted to call in and see everyone before we came home.' _

'_Why don't you shut your eyes for a bit while I finish dinner?' Dixie said placing her hand on Jeff's shoulder as he nodded into it, 'Josh can come and keep me company.' _

_Jeff nodded once more before he reshuffled on the sofa motioning towards the blanket with his head. Dixie followed his instruction of placing it around him making sure he was warm before her and Josh left the room. _

'_Thanks for coming Josh, it does him good to see other people, I think he goes mad just seeing my ugly face all day every day.' Dixie stated as she began to take out the plates and things to make a salad. _

'_Dixie, how are you?' Josh asked _

'_Me? Oh I am fine love.' _

'_No Dixie, how are you? Tell me the truth.' _

'_I am, I am fine, honestly.' Dixie smiled at Josh hoping to stop the questions before she carried on chopping cucumber and radishes._

'_Dixie, I am worried about you. You don't seem yourself. You look tired, pale and worn out. Why don't you let the community carers come in and take over for a little while, give yourself a break.' _

'_No.' Dixie replied forcefully. _

'_Why not? You are not coping on your own and Jeff is treating you like a servant.' _

'_Josh, I appreciate your concern, but I am his wife, it is my duty to look after him. I want to look after him.' _

'_Has he hurt you Dixie?' Josh asked meekly watching her actions to see if they told a different story. _

'_Jeff wouldn't lay a finger on me.' _

'_Dixie, I saw you when you held onto him, your face screwed up as he leant on you.' _

'_Jeff hasn't done anything, I knocked my side the other day on the corner of the dining room table when I was carrying that pile of washing through, Jeff just caught it with his elbow, that's all.' _

'_Dixie, you need a break, you really do. Jeff will be alright with the carers for a few days, it will do you good.' Josh was trying to be persistent but kind at the same time. He moved closer to Dixie who had stopped chopping but was staring vacantly at the wall in front of her. Josh's hand on her arm brought her back to reality. _

'_Josh, honestly love, I am fine. We are fine. Like Jeff said, it has just been a tiring day.' Dixie picked up the plates and salad leaving the room to place them on the table before she went to get Jeff. _

_Josh stood in the kitchen looking slightly frustrated, he might have known that Dixie wasn't going to give anything away or admit to needing help, she wasn't that kind of person. He couldn't help but wonder if this was Dixie's way of punishing herself for not stopping Jeff from going into the building. Josh had read the report and replies from the trust so he knew what was going on. He knew Dixie; she had a guilty conscience, especially when it came to Jeff. Was he playing on this guilt? Maybe he could ask Jeff when he had a chance. _

Dixie left the bathroom and walked towards Jeff's room, she was a little scared of going in just in case he lashed out at her again. She slowly approached the door looking at him sitting on the end of the bed staring out of the window. Dixie gingerly approached him, 'Jeff, did you want a bath tonight or shall we wait until the morning?' She couldn't believe how much she was shaking, how much her voice was shaking.

'Morning.'

'OK, well, would you like me to help you get undressed and get you ready for bed?'

'If you must.'

Dixie slowly edged her way closer to Jeff as he sat there refusing to make eye contact with her. She slowly began to remove his clothing being careful not to hurt him or move too quickly. As she got further up his body, Jeff decided to break the silence.

'Why did you do it Dix?'

Dixie stopped undoing his shirt and looked him in the face; this was the first time they had made eye contact with each other. She decided to stay quiet and let Jeff speak.

_The three of them ate their meal in silence really apart from Jeff making the odd comment about the weather or the football. Josh felt a little uncomfortable eating his dinner especially as Dixie wasn't eating any of hers. She had dished up the lasagne between three of them, but, hers had remained untouched while she fed Jeff his. She didn't even take a mouthful of her own dinner while Jeff was chewing; she was on hand to give him everything he wanted when he wanted. _

'_Cheers for that Dix.' Jeff said as he finished his last mouthful. 'I might retire to the lounge once more.' He mocked smiling at his wife who was now clearing the plates away. 'Help me up Dix.' _

_Dixie stopped what she was doing and helped Jeff to his feet guiding him once more back to his perch. As she left the room, she saw Josh coming out of the dining room holding the plates. _

'_Oh, thanks Josh. I will take them now. Go on, go and sit with Jeff while I clear up.' _

_Josh was going to say something to her about eating her own dinner, but, he was 100% certain that she would fob him off and tell him she would eat it in the kitchen while she cleared up. _

_Josh sat down in the chair, he needed to say something to Jeff, he couldn't let this go on. _

'_Jeff, can I ask you something?' _

'_Yeah, although I am not very good at having talks, Dixie will tell you.' _

'_Do you love Dixie?' _

'_Why are you asking me that?' _

'_Just answer my question.' _

'_Yeah, she is my best mate, of course I love her.' _

'_Do you care about her?' _

'_Josh, what are you getting at mate? If you have something to say then just spit it out.' _

_Josh could see that Jeff was getting angry, he wondered if this was the true side to Jeff Collier coming out now. _

'_When was the last time you looked at your wife?' _

'_About 30 seconds ago when she helped me in here. I still don't get what all this is leading to.' _

'_I mean really looked at her Jeff. When was the last time you really looked at her?' _

_Jeff looked on totally confused. Josh sighed before he continued, it was clear Jeff was oblivious to what Dixie was doing to herself. _

'_Jeff, she is tired, she looks totally drained and defeated. She is doing everything for you isn't she, absolutely everything. When was the last time you saw her do anything for herself, when was the last time you saw her eat, drink, sleep? She is at your every beckoning call and you know it. Do you have any idea how guilty she feels about what happened to you? If you ask me Jeff, you are playing on her feelings of guilt, you are making her pay and suffer for what happened to you.' _

'_You have no idea Josh, absolutely none, so keep your nose out of it. Me and Dix are fine and you do well to remember that.' _

'_Jeff, I am just concerned about her….'_

'_Has she said anything to you? Oh, I get it, you had a little chat with my wife didn't you just before dinner, spin you some lies did she? Oh poor Dixie, struggling to look after her husband, the husband that she let walk into danger.' Jeff mocked. _

'_That is totally uncalled for Jeff and you know it. I cannot believe what Dixie is doing for you and you are treating her like this.' _

_Jeff didn't reply to Josh's comment, he was annoyed enough by what he had said; instead he called out to Dixie. _

'_DIXIE, JOSH IS GOING NOW, COME AND SAY GOODBYE.' _

_Not one more word was spoken between the two men after this. _

'Jeff…..I…..'

Dixie could feel herself welling up again; she had slowly edged away from Jeff once more bracing herself for another hiding, as Jeff raised his hand to her. But, he didn't smack her; she flinched slightly as his fingers made contact with her cheek tracing over the bruise lightly.

Dixie swallowed to fight back more tears that were threatening to spill down her face as she looked into Jeff's eyes. She looked on as tears formed in his whilst he was studying her pale complexion, her tired eyes and sore cheek. Was Josh right? Was Dixie looking tired and worn out? Did she deserve this? Jeff wasn't sure, all he knew was he was tired and cranky, he looked at her face one more time, he had caused that bruise on her face, only him. Did he guilty about doing it? Did she deserve the hiding? Again, Jeff couldn't answer these questions, not tonight anyway.

No words were said between the couple, just silence, Jeff pulled Dixie towards him placing his arms around her top holding her tight.

_**A / N – Thank you for reading this update, sorry I made you wait for it. I hope it was worth it. Have no idea when the next update will be. xxx**_


	14. Chapter 14

**A / N – Head still not really in work (and I have a hell of a lot of work to be doing). So, I thought I would update this one as well! There is some hatred for Jeff right now in this fic and I cannot really blame anyone for that, enjoy this chapter, I am not that happy with it to be honest. Polly has come to visit! **

'Hey Dix, how are you?' Polly joyfully exclaimed as Dixie opened the front door to her being enveloped in a tight hug straight away.

'Not to bad thanks Pol, how was the holiday?' Dixie asked pulling out of the hug to shut the front door behind her.

'It was fabulous, I had a great time. Oh my God, Dix, what happened to your face?' Polly's bubbly mood soon changed as she looked up and caught sight of the purple bruise on Dixie's left cheek.

'It's nothing, I slipped on the stairs that's all and hit my face on the banister, I was trying to carry too much down the stairs and lost my footing that's all.' Dixie quickly rushed out as Jeff appeared in the doorway.

Polly looked back at her friend, she had a feeling Dixie wasn't being truthful, even more so when she looked down to the floor once more as Jeff cleared his throat behind them.

'Heyyyyy, hello gorgeous, how are you?' Polly said happily moving towards Jeff giving him a long hug. Dixie watched Jeff nestle his head into the young girls shoulder as he gently wrapped his own arms around her waist. She hated lying to Polly, she was such a kind girl, but, she couldn't tell her that Jeff had hit her; he needed the company now, not the grief.

'Would you like a cup of tea Pol?'

'Oh yes please Dix, would you like a hand with it?'

'No, she is fine, aren't you Dix?' Jeff said looking up at this best friend who nodded weakly before heading off to the kitchen with Abs in tow.

Jeff and Polly sat down in the lounge on the larger sofa, Dixie could hear them having a good laugh and chat, she hadn't heard Jeff laugh like that since before the accident and certainly wouldn't laugh anymore when she was in the room. Dixie knew he blamed her for what had happened, she blamed herself for it as well, each day was a reminder of that.

Since Josh had been to visit, the Collier household had been a fraught place to live in. Jeff was reeling over what Josh had said to him, and, he was really making Dixie suffer. She wasn't sure how much more she could take of his attitude and behaviour towards her, but, she would stand by what she said; she is his wife and would look after him no matter what.

Taking a deep breath, Dixie picked up the two mugs of tea and headed into the lounge, 'there you go, I will just put them here then.'

'Aww, thanks Dix, just what I needed. Are you going to sit down with us as well?' Polly asked hopefully.

'Would you like me too?'

'Of course, I haven't seen you two in so long, it is just going to be lovely to catch up and chat.' Polly responded, her usually cheery nature went someway to lifting the oppressive atmosphere that was in the room.

Dixie joined the pair, sitting in the arm chair to the side letting them get on with their chatting only really getting up now and again to move things for Jeff when he looked at her. Dixie sat watching her two friends interact, she focussed her attention on Jeff, he looked like he was enjoying having Polly here, he was always content with Dixie for company, but, now, couldn't really look at her.

They talked about her holiday; Polly had brought the photos with her to show them, she insisted on explaining every one of them in immense detail but with a huge amount of enthusiasm. Dixie moved over towards Jeff whilst they looked at them together, she moved them slowly giving Polly enough time to explain and Jeff enough time to look at them. The last thing she wanted was to move too quickly.

'So, are you being a good patient then?'

'You know me Pol; I am an extremely good patient.' Jeff smirked,

'Seriously, Dixie, has he been good?'

Dixie nodded, 'are you looking after Dixie as well Jeff?'

'I do my best Pol, but it is hard, I cannot really do much with both arms in plaster, but at least I can move around a little more than I could before.'

'Well that is something then isn't it?' Polly said pleased that Jeff was making progress.

'It is, although I still need to rely on her a great deal.'

'It will get better Jeff; you have an amazing woman behind you who is with you every step of the way. Just make sure you look after her as much as you can.'

'Just for you I will Pol.' Jeff replied smiling at her before turning his gaze to Dixie. He looked at her tired and worn out complexion once more, why were people so intent on telling him to look after her, it is her fault he is in this situation to begin with. Dixie didn't need any looking after, she could do that herself.

Polly stayed for a few hours before she left; Dixie had made dinner and was now back to clearing the plates away. Once more, she hadn't really eaten anything; Jeff was being particularly demanding of her time. It seems Polly's comment of him looking after Dixie had fallen on deaf ears; he seemed intent to make the most of her attention and guilt.

He was sat back on the sofa watching television when Dixie went into the room once more,

'Do you need anything else love before I just nip up to have a shower?'

'When can I have my shower?'

'After me if you want?'

'Oh, so your needs come before mine then? At least I know where I stand.'

Dixie sighed heavily as she moved forward to help Jeff back up, 'Come on then love, you can have a shower first.'

'And so I should do.'

The couple went upstairs where Dixie undressed Jeff once more wrapping his arms in bin liners to protect them before helping him into the bath. Slowly Dixie washed him being careful as she moved her hands around his body.

'Do you think Polly believed you about your face?'

'I don't know Love, I hope so.'

'She doesn't need to know what happened does she.' Jeff said as he turned to face his best friend.

'No, no Jeff she doesn't.' Dixie replied looking down at the floor as she spoke.

'Good, I can do without any more of our so called colleagues poking their noses into our business.'

Dixie proceeded to dry him off before helping him into his pyjamas. She waited at the top of the stairs making sure he got down them safely before she went into their bedroom to get changed for her own bath. She didn't fancy a shower anymore; she just wanted a little bit of time to herself.

Dixie relaxed into the bath feeling the warm water soothe her skin, she never really realised how much she was aching, how tired her body was becoming. She was always on the move at work, it never bothered her, but, this was a different type of exhaustion. Dixie felt her eyes wanting to close as the water soothed her tired body, she tried to resist it, but couldn't help herself, she needed some time.

'Dix, Dix, DIXIE COLLIER.' Jeff yelled in her ear making her jump clean out of her skin and almost out of the bath.

'Jeff, Whoa, what's wrong?' She asked readjusting herself in the bath and wiping her eyes before staring at her husband.

'You have been ages, and I wanted a drink. I cannot make one myself can I thanks to you.'

Dixie let out a sigh, he had a point, he couldn't make one himself and it was all down to her. She was putting herself before his needs again after she had promised not to.

'OK, I will get you a drink in a sec love, let me just sort myself out.'

Jeff mumbled something as he left the bathroom. Dixie sat up in the bath pulling the plug before she got out and wrapped herself in the towel that Jeff had managed to knock to the floor as he left the room. Not wanting to keep him waiting any longer than needed, she quickly dried herself off and put her own pyjamas on before rushing down the stairs.

Dixie never made it to the bottom safely, where she was in such a rush, she hadn't fastened her dressing gown properly, tripping on the belt missing the last few steps landing in a heap on the laminate floor by the front door. The crash was enough to make Abs bark wildly, but, not enough for Jeff to see if everything was alright.

'Christ almighty what was that?' Jeff shouted from his perch on the sofa.

'Nothing love.' Dixie called back as strongly as she could, her ankle really hurt and so did the base of her spine, she had landed really heavily. She sat there nursing her foot while Little Abs continued to bark trying to get Jeff's attention.

'Will you shut that bloody dog up Dix, I am trying to watch the news.' Jeff called out.

'Ssssssh, Abs, come here sweetheart, it's OK. Give me a cuddle.' Dixie cooed at the dog as he slowly stopped barking and came around to her side where she flung her arms around him holding him tightly. Why was it that the dog knew she had hurt herself but Jeff didn't?

'Are you making a drink or what?' Jeff called out again once Abs had settled down.

'Yes love, sorry, I am doing it now.'

Dixie slowly let go of Abs giving him a little tickle under the collar before she carefully got up. She moved as carefully as she could to avoid making any noise, but also just in case she had done some serious damage somewhere. Dixie used the wall and banister to help her stand upright before she shuffled herself towards the kitchen. Her ankle and back were killing her so much that she just wanted to burst into tears there and then. Why didn't Jeff care about her anymore?

Dixie made Jeff a coffee taking it into him, each time she moved a shooting pain ran straight through her back and down her right foot; she was in agony, her eyes watered through the pain. She placed the mug on the small table in front of him trying not to show her pain as she stood back up to leave the room.

'Where are you going now?'

'Just back into the kitchen, why do you need anything else?' Dixie asked quietly not facing Jeff.

'No, not for now, although I wouldn't mind some toast in a little while.'

'OK, I will bring you some in.'

And with that, Dixie left the room, tears streaming down her face. She sat at the kitchen table staring at the number on her phone stroking Little Abs with the other hand. He knew she was hurt and although he was a dog, he wanted to protect his mum. Dixie stared at her phone, she knew what she was about to do would make things worse, but, she needed someone to come and see her, to make sure she was alright. Jeff couldn't do it, would he even check her over if he knew? Dixie knew one thing, she needed to make sure she was alright, if her stupidity had caused her an injury, how was she ever going to help Jeff.

Slowly, Dixie picked up her phone and dialled Josh's number.


	15. Chapter 15

**A / N – Another update for you. Enjoy xx**

Dixie slowly lent back in the chair, she had just called Josh and asked him to come to check her over. She could hear the evident concern and worry in his voice as she explained to him what had happened. Dixie had asked Josh to come as quickly as he could but come around the back. The back door was already unlocked as she needed to let Abs out again before they all went to bed. At least that way, Josh could be in and out quickly before Jeff realised and threw him out. Dixie really didn't want another run in between the two men, nor did she want another hiding as she dealt with the consequences. Dixie hoped and prayed that wouldn't happen.

She started to panic and worry, feeling her chest start to tighten a little, what if she has done some serious damage to herself? She knew moving from the bottom of the stairs was a mistake, so was walking around, but, she had to keep going for Jeff, he needed her. Dixie closed her eyes, the pain in her back and foot were getting worse, it was so intense it was making her feel sick.

While she was waiting, she thought about Jeff, he was still in the lounge, he hadn't moved one bit since she had fallen. Why hadn't he come to see if I was alright? She knew Jeff couldn't have done anything even if he had of done, she was paying each and every day for letting him walk into the collapsing building, she knew it and Jeff certainly made sure of it. This really was testing their friendship; Dixie wasn't too sure how much more she was prepared to take from Jeff and the situation. Dixie knew that Jeff was playing on her guilt, she deserved it, but had he now taken it too far? Dixie wondered if they would ever get back to how they were before this all happened, it certainly was testing their friendship to the absolute limits.

Dixie remembered the last time she fell down the stairs, she was trying to do the hovering, Abs had snuck passed her and she had slipped. Jeff had come hurtling down the hallway when he heard her fall picking the hoover off her and helping her up. Dixie recalled how he touched her neck and back before checking her vision, how he massaged her foot, he wouldn't let her get up until he was happy that she was OK. Now, it was as if he didn't care. Dixie was his carer, he wasn't hers.

Abs was still sat by Dixie's foot; he nuzzled himself into her leg hoping it would make his mummy feel better. Dixie stroked him gently, she really hoped he wouldn't bark or kick off when Josh arrived at the back door.

Dixie heard the back gate open and footsteps outside, 'Abs, Mummy has some friends coming in now, so, no barking OK mate?' Abs looked up at her, she could see he was upset, his brown eyes gave it away, he was worried for her, at least someone was.

'Hey Dixie.' Josh said quietly as him and Polly walked into the kitchen shutting the door gently behind them.

'Dix, what happened to you?' Polly asked as she knelt down by her best friend stroking Abs trying to move him out of the way. He wasn't shifting for anybody.

'Looks like someone wants to protect his mummy don't it?' Josh said as he eventually bribed Abs away with a dog treat so he could get closer.

'I fell down the stairs, that's all, tripped on my dressing gown belt and just fell.'

'Why did you move? You know you could have done some serious damage Dix. You of all people should know that.' Josh said calmly moving over to check her pulse.

'I know, Abs was barking and distracting Jeff, I was making him a drink, and I couldn't stay in a heap on the floor.'

'Where does it hurt Dixie?' Polly asked sympathetically moving Dixie's hair from her eye, the bruise on her face was still visible. Polly and Josh shared a knowing look. Polly had told him about Dixie's so called accident with the banister, neither of them bought it; they knew Jeff had done it even if Dixie wasn't prepared to admit it herself.

'I landed on my side, my right side, I have pains all the way down my back and right leg, but, my ankle hurts.'

'OK, let's take a look.'

Josh started to examine Dixie while Polly held onto her hand; she looked into Dixie's face and saw a vacant woman staring back at her. Dixie tried to smile to give the illusion that everything was alright, but, who was she kidding?

'It doesn't look like you have broken anything Dix, just a really bad sprain with some tendon damage I would say. I will put a bandage on it for you and give you some pain relief OK.'

'Thank you.' Dixie whispered.

'I am really not happy that you moved from where you were, you should have called us Dixie, we could have made sure you received proper spinal care. I do think you need to come in to get yourself X-rayed just to be on the safe side.'

'No, I can't leave Jeff.'

'He was more than happy to leave you at the bottom of the stairs. Does he even know you are hurt? Does he even know we are here?' Polly spat back, she wasn't angry at Dixie, she was fuming at Jeff.

'I need to be here to look after him.' Dixie protested

'And who is looking after you?' Josh interjected.

'Please Josh, not this again, the last time you…..' Dixie trailed off not daring to finish her sentence.

'The last time I what Dixie, tell me.'

'Nothing love, its OK.' Dixie moved around in her seat screwing up her face up as a shooting pain ran straight through her body.

'OK Polly, we need the trolley.' Josh instructed as he placed some oxygen over Dixie's mouth to try and help her breathing.

Jeff was completely oblivious to what was going on a few meters from where he was sat; he had drunk his coffee and was eagerly awaiting his toast. He hadn't heard Dixie for a little while that he started to wonder what she was doing.

'DIXIE.' He called out, no answer.

'DIX?' again no answer. 'Bloody woman, where is she now?'

Jeff got himself up off the sofa and walked into the hallway, he noticed the table had been knocked over and the plant that was on it was all over the floor. 'Why doesn't this woman ever bloody clean up' he muttered to himself as he tried to straighten the table before heading off into the kitchen. On his way he glanced into the dining room seeing the ironing board still up with piles of washing all over the table. Jeff rolled his eyes once more; he couldn't understand why Dixie wasn't keeping on top of everything.

Pushing open the kitchen door, but still looking in the dining room, Jeff started to speak, 'Dix, why is the plant all over the floor and why haven't you finished the ironing? What the hell have you been doing with yourself all day?'

Nothing really prepared Jeff for the sight he say as he pushed open the door, Polly was heading back in with the trolley and board while Josh had Dixie held close to him touching her back. To Jeff, it looked like they were hugging but, he was confused as to why they needed the trolley.

'What is going on in here?' he asked approaching Josh and Dixie. 'Get off my wife.'

Josh moved slightly back making sure Dixie was resting on the chair comfortably before he started speaking, 'Jeff, did you know Dixie fell down the stairs?'

'No.'

'We are checking her over Jeff, we probably need to take her in.' Polly answered.

'Why? She has done it before and been fine, why do you want to take her now? Who will look after me if you do then?'

'Maybe you should look after yourself.' Polly spat back at a rather shocked looking Jeff.

'No, Jeff is right, I am fine; I need to be here with him.' Dixie replied removing the mask and handing it back to Josh.

'No Dixie, you need checking over, someone needs to look after you.'

'Oh, I get it now; poor Dixie fell down the stairs and hurt herself boo bloody hoo. Let's all crowd around Dixie who stupidly fell down the stairs and leave Jeff the one who was crushed in a building to fend for himself.'

Polly couldn't believe what she was hearing, what Jeff was saying, she looked down at Dixie who was staring at the floor, if she wasn't going to stand up for herself, she would stand up for her instead.

'You are being so unfair to her Jeff; can you not see what you have done to her, what you are putting her through?' Polly was on a roll now; Josh decided to leave her to it while he continued to persuade Dixie to change her mind.

'How am I being unfair, she left me Pol, she let me go in there?'

'No Jeff, you went in when she told you not to, you never bloody listen and you are paying the price for your actions. Do you have any idea how guilty Dixie feels, do you have any idea what she has been doing for you? She has put you first Jeff.'

'AND SO SHE BLOODY SHOULD BE, IT IS ALL HER FAULT.'

'JEFF STOP IT.' Dixie shouted above all the noise. She couldn't take this anymore; she knew she shouldn't have called Josh out, she had put herself before Jeff and it was going to end badly, Dixie knew how the evening would play out now, she just had to accept it.

Putting on a brave and calm face even though she was shaking inside, Dixie turned to the Paramedics once more, 'Josh, Polly, thank you for coming to see me, but, I will be OK now. I will text you in the morning. Sorry to have wasted your time.'

'Dixie, I still think you should get checked over.' Josh protested once more.

'I will do love, thank you again, good night.'

Josh and Polly exchanged looks before getting up to leave, Dixie smiled at the pair of them whilst Jeff leant up against the worktop scowling at them. Once he heard the gate close and the engine start, he turned to Dixie.

'How dare you have him in our home Dix?'

'Sorry Jeff.'

'So you should be, this house is a bloody tip woman, don't you ever clean it.'

'I will do it tomorrow Jeff, but, right now, do you mind if we went to bed?'

SMACK There it was; another hiding.

Dixie jolted heavily hitting her head against the wall as Jeff slapped her hard again. He managed to catch her on the bruise once more; she felt fresh tears threatening to spill down her face as the searing hot pain soared through it.

Jeff had moved right up in Dixie's face, 'Don't you ever call them again.' And with that, he went upstairs. 'You need to come and brush my teeth if you want to go to bed.' He called out as if nothing had happened.

Dixie dutifully got up being careful of how she balanced her weight on her foot before slowly walking up the stairs. She stared straight passed Jeff as she cleaned his teeth for him making sure he was in bed before she shut off the light.

Dixie didn't feel like going to sleep yet, Jeff was right, the house was a tip and she was going to clean it.

**A / N – Sorry, that was a really naff chapter wasn't it? I just cannot get it right for love nor money. Thank you for reading and reviewing, will try and update soon. How much more can Dixie take do you think? **


	16. Chapter 16

**A / N – I know there is a lot of hate for one particular person right now, I hope this chapter goes some way in dissipating those feelings of hatred. Enjoy and feel free to leave a review. This will be the last update this week I am afraid. xx**

The Colliers were pretty busy the following day, there was no time to stop or sit down. Dixie was shattered, emotionally and physically. She had spent the night cleaning and tidying the house after Jeff made the not so subtle point that it needed cleaning. The pain in her back and ankle were getting worse, but, she ignored it and just kept on going. Everything seemed to take her longer than usual to do, but, she did them all none the less.

Dawn broke once more and she found herself in the bathroom again having a quick wash getting ready for the day. As with so many other days, Dixie found herself staring back at her reflection in the mirror, she didn't recognise the person staring back at her. Without paying too much attention to the noticeable bags under her eyes or the purpling bruise on her left cheek, Dixie tied up her hair and applied a little make up on auto pilot.

Dixie stood in front of the mirror, she would have to wake Jeff up soon and get him ready, he had a Physio appointment followed by a scan on his hips and arms to check they were healing OK. He was going to be shattered after being prodded, pulled and poked all morning, Dixie knew he was going to be moody and cranky. It didn't help that she had an appointment with her asthma specialist in the afternoon as well, so, they would pretty much spend the whole day at the hospital.

Taking a deep breath, Dixie walked into Jeff's room where he was still sleeping, she stood by his side of the bed watching him, he looked peaceful when he slept, he looked like he always used to before his accident. Dixie wondered if she would ever see him wake up and smile at her like he always used to. She wondered if he had noticed that she hadn't been beside him during the night, she concluded that he hadn't. Would he even care that she had been up all night cleaning and ironing instead of sleeping? Yet again, as much as it pained her to even think it, the answer would be another no. Dixie wondered how she now felt about Jeff; they had been through so much together over the years and stayed so strong together. As much as the thought scared her, she wasn't sure if their friendship would survive this, whether she could still stay with him after all of this, whether she still wanted to be with him after all of this.

Dixie slowly woke Jeff up, she had to face the day with him no matter what, she knew she had to support him, no matter what.

'Morning Love, did you sleep alright?'

'Morning Dix, I think I did, I don't remember waking up.' Jeff moved his arms up to his face using the tips of his fingers to rub his eyes before reshuffling to look at his wife. 'You OK babe?'

'Yeah I'm fine Jeffrey, come on, let's get you up, we have a big day ahead of us.' Dixie replied as she moved the covers off his body and helped him up.

Dixie carefully helped him to the toilet and cleaned him before shaving him and getting him dressed. All throughout this, Jeff was talking to her as if nothing had happened, he was cracking jokes and genuinely seemed in good spirits, Dixie couldn't help but wonder how long it would last.

'Come on Dix, I want to go home?' Jeff stated like a petulant five year old as the pair sat in yet another waiting room.

'I know love, I do as well, we just need to be patient.'

'Patient, I am being bloody patient woman. I have been patient all sodding day being pulled around by everyone who wants to take a look.'

'I know love, you have done well today and it is really good that everything is healing well.'

'Dixie, I want to go home.' Jeff said again more insistently this time. Dixie knew he had had enough, he was tired, in pain and cranky, she had already postponed her appointment with the specialist twice already, now, it looked like a third time was on the cards.

Dixie got up off her chair and moved over to the reception desk, Jeff watched her as she spoke to the lady, he could gather from her facial expression that she was not happy, her body language and gestures towards Dixie confirmed this.

Dixie looked to the ground as the lady on reception proceeded to tell her off for wasting time and that she would have to go through her GP for another referral as she had missed two appointments already. Dixie nodded and apologised again before going over to get Jeff.

'What's going on Dix?'

'You wanted to go home, so we are going home. Come on love.'

Jeff rested his weight against her as she guided them out of the hospital and into the car. Dixie kept her head down as they walked past the parked ambulances, she didn't want to see Polly or Josh again, nor did she want them commenting on the bruise she was now supporting. She breathed a sigh of relief as they got to the car and home safely.

Dixie had bathed Jeff when they got back in the hopes the water would soothe him slightly, they were now sat at the kitchen table finishing off their dinner. Dixie gave Jeff his last mouthful before getting up taking the plates to be washed up.

'It is good that your casts can come off in two weeks' time isn't it?' She said as she scrapped her dinner off the plate and into the bin. 'Just think of what you will be able to do again love.'

'Yeah, I bet you will love that won't ya? Not having to do everything for me.'

'That is not what I meant Jeff. I was only saying that….'

'I know what you were bloody saying Kathleen; you cannot wait for me to loose these casts so I can go back to how I was so you don't have to do anything for me again.'

'Jeff, I …..'

'You never have cared about me, even when this happened.'

'Jeff, I….'

'No, I am talking, I know what you are playing at, you, Josh and Polly have got it all mapped out haven't you, wait for me to be on the mend then you can leave me. I tell you what though, you are not going anywhere, do you hear me, anywhere.'

Dixie looked down at the sink, Jeff had misinterpreted what she meant and now he was angry, Dixie blinked back the tears and took hold of a plate dunking it into the soapy water trying to block out what he was saying to her.

'It is your fault I am in this mess Kathleen, entirely your fault. Do you know what, you deserve this and everything else, it is your punishment for neglecting to look out for me on a shout. I blame you entirely for this.'

Dixie had had enough; she shot around instantly facing Jeff still holding onto the plate which she brought up above her head sending it hurtling in his direction. Jeff quickly ducked as the plate smashed on the wall behind him, the pieces dropping to the floor.

'I can't take this anymore Jeff, I have tried I really have bloody tried but nothing I do is good enough for you is it? I feel guilty, bloody guilty over what happened to you. Do you have any idea how it felt watching your best friend walk into that building, do you know how my heart sunk every time they brought someone out that wasn't you? Do you know what was going through my mind as I walked around the ED waiting for news on you?'

'What the hell did you do that for?'

'Because I can't do this anymore Jeffrey. If anyone doesn't care in this relationship, it is you not caring about me.'

'Why the hell should I care about you? I am the one that is injured.'

'I know, bloody hell I know, you remind me every second of every day.'

'You are such a selfish cow Kathleen, turning this around to suit you. You have Josh and Polly wrapped around your little finger but it isn't going to work on me. You should feel guilty because you are solely to blame for this.'

Jeff, by this time, had got up from his chair and had walked over to Dixie. As soon as he got closer she brought her right hand back before sending it slamming down on his cheek. The smack echoed throughout the whole kitchen as Jeff stumbled back bringing his plastered arm to touch his face.

He looked at Dixie through watering eyes noticing she was holding her own hands up covering her mouth, her face said it all, she was shocked by her action. Jeff didn't know what to say to her, she was clearly on the edge and he had just tipped her over. He went to say something but never got the chance.

'I have cooked for you, cleaned for you, washed you, dried you off, got you dressed and undressed, helped you to and from the toilet, spent the whole bloody night cleaning this sodding house, and for what, hidings around the face, abuse and moods. I have had enough Jeffrey, I really have.'

Dixie could feel her chest tightening considerably; she was finding it harder and harder to catch her breath. Dixie started coughing and gasping for air, but that didn't stop Jeff.

'Don't you think I have had enough of being like this? Do you not think I hate being like this. It isn't all about you Kathleen, stop thinking about you and think of me for a change.'

Dixie stood in front of Jeff finding it harder and harder to breathe; she was coughing and wheezing uncontrollably. Despite her discomfort and pain, she found the strength to slap him hard once more across his face.

Jeff stopped shouting at her and was filled instantly with horror, tears were rolling down his face, she had hit him hard and it hurt, but, not as much as watching his best friend struggling to breathe right in front of him. Jeff realised there and then what he had done, what he had put her through, what he had being doing to her.

'Dix, where is it babe?' He went to get closer but she held out her hand pushing him away as she left the room making her way up to her bedroom.

Jeff felt helpless, he knew if she didn't take her inhaler soon, she would be in trouble, the possibility of her dying in front of him became a reality and it was one he didn't want to see or experience. Jeff went to the front room and found her coat and bag shaking them as best he could to find the blue inhaler. He panicked and dropped the contents of her bag on the floor. Jeff fell to his knees pushing her purse, phone, keys and other things around on the floor until her found what he was looking for. Jeff couldn't grasp it in his hands, so resorted to picking it up in his mouth running up the stairs to find Dixie.

As he got to the top of the stars he could hear her really wheezing and coughing, she was struggling and it was his entire fault. He charged into her room and dropped her inhaler in front of her looking on as she grabbed it, shook it and took it.

'And again Princess, take another puff.'

Jeff looked on from the doorway, Dixie was pale and sweaty, and tears were streaming down her face. He was scared, her breathing wasn't calming down. His medical training kicked in as he moved to sit next to Dixie on her bed.

'Babe, I know you are scared, Christ so am I. I need you to look at me even though you hate me right now.' Jeff paused slightly as Dixie brought her eyes up to face him. Jeff cupped her face lightly in his hands so not to aggravate her bruise.

'OK, now copy me Dix, deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth, come on princess, with me.'

Jeff showed Dixie how she should be breathing as she started to copy him; they stay there for at least 10 more minutes before her breathing started to stabilise. Jeff never took his eyes off her not even once. He noticed that her colour had started to come back and the panic was disappearing from her features, he had come so close to losing her.

'Dixie, I am really sorry.' Was all he could muster as his own voice started to shake.

Dixie, on the other hand, was feeling really dizzy after her attack, she was in no mood for Jeff and his apologies, it had gone way passed that in her mind.

'Leave me alone Jeffrey.' She spoke as forcefully as she was able to looking away from him but down to the floor. Little Abs had followed Jeff upstairs and was sat by the side of the bed wagging his tail. Dixie placed her hand on the dog's head and stroked him gently.

'Dix, please…'

'LEAVE ME ALONE AND GET OUT.' Dixie screamed at her best friend as more tears started to fall down her face.

Jeff nodded weakly before getting up off her bed making his way slowly toward the door. Dixie jumped off her bed and practically pushed him out before slamming the door shut behind him. Jeff stood on the landing, he could hear her crying, and he knew he had caused that. The realisation came back once more, the realisation that he was going to lose his best friend because he stupidly ignored her instructions and went into that building.

Jeff slid down Dixie's bedroom door until he was sat on the floor, he would stay there all night if he had to. He would be there for her if she needed him, if she wanted him. Jeff settled down for an uncomfortable night, but, it was nothing compared to what he had put Dixie through these last eight weeks. Jeff blinked back his own tears as the stinging sensation returned to his face, he wondered if they would get through this and how he was going to make it up to Dixie.


	17. Chapter 17

**A / N – I by no means take any credit for this chapter. It was kindly written for me by Raven Shadowrose, all the credit and kind reviews need to acknowledge her please and not me. Thank you Raven Shadowrose for your input, it is greatly appreciated. **

Jeff woke up outside Dixie's bedroom; he had been sat there all night and must have fallen asleep at some point. He listened carefully but there wasn't any noise coming from inside the room, Dixie was probably still asleep. Jeff's mind drifted back over the evening that had just passed, they had argued, Dixie had lost it and thrown the plate at him. It had shocked him but not as much as seeing Dixie have an asthma attack right in front of him, he hadn't seen her like that before and it terrified him. He had felt completely helpless, she could have died and it would have been his fault. Jeff was ashamed of himself and his actions; he had treated Dixie really badly, she had looked after him and he had taken advantage of her to the point that she had driven herself to exhaustion. Last night was the first time that he had truly looked at her; she looked tired, withdrawn and totally defeated. Then she had looked scared and upset, her fear during the asthma attack had been very real. Jeff could hear her struggling to breathe inside his head; it was a sound that he didn't want to hear ever again.

The argument that they'd had was coming back to him in waves, had she really stayed up all night to clean the house? No wonder Dixie had looked so tired during the day; he had seen her stifling yawns all day at the hospital. Then there was the night before, she had fallen down the stairs. Jeff remembered hearing the thud from where he was sat in the lounge, Dixie had obviously hit the floor with some force and she could have really hurt herself. He was remembering everything with more clarity, he had seen Dixie limping and screwing her face up in pain several times during the day. He had said and done plenty of horrible things to her during in past eight weeks, their friendship and relationship was in tatters, how on earth was he going to make it up to Dixie? Would she even want to speak to him again? What would he do if she asked for a divorce and left him? Tears blurred Jeff's vision and he angrily tried to wipe the away with his fingers, he had no right to be crying, he had hurt Dixie in many ways and he knew that it wasn't going to go away easily.

Jeff sighed, from the minute that Dixie had pushed him out of her room and slammed the door she had cried for hours, she was distraught and he knew that it was his entire fault. He had knocked on the door a few times and called out to her but she didn't say anything or come to the door, his only answer was the same distraught crying. Jeff stayed by the door and it wasn't until gone midnight that her crying stopped, he came to the conclusion that Dixie had cried herself to sleep, probably from exhaustion. He looked at the clock that sat on the wall at the top of the stairs, it was nearly ten. He wanted to go into Dixie's room and try to talk to her but he didn't think that she would want to see him right now.

Dixie lay in bed staring at the wall, she had been awake for some time but she was finding it hard getting out of bed. She was exhausted and still in pain from the fall down the stairs and her chest was hurting from her asthma attack yesterday. Tears rolled down Dixie's face, she was sore and hurting, her best friend hated her for letting him go into that building, he blamed her and now he was punishing her. She felt guilty, they had argued and she had hit him, twice. Dixie slowly sat up in bed and then she pushed the covers back before putting both feet on the ground, she gasped in pain as she put weight on her injured ankle, it was going to be a while before she healed properly. She had twisted it really badly and it was likely that she would need painkillers just to get through the day.

Dixie slowly walked to the mirror, the pain wasn't too bad if she didn't move too quickly. She looked at herself in the surface of the mirror, the thought that she didn't recognise the woman reflected back at her came to her again. The bruise on her face that Jeff had given her was starting to fade but the memory of it would take a lot longer to go away. Dixie sighed, she was going to have to find the courage to go out of her bedroom sooner or later, she needed to go to the bathroom and there was Little Abs to think about, he would have to go outside to do his business. Dixie looked over at the sleeping dog, he had stayed with her all night as she cried, he hadn't left her side once in all of this. Slowly, Dixie took a deep breath and placed her hand on the handle of the door, willing herself to open it.

Jeff jumped as Dixie's door opened and she came out of it, her eyes were red from crying, she was limping and every so often her face screwed up in pain. Guilt hit him again; he was responsible for everything that she was going through. It was the vacant look in her eyes that scared him the most; her eyes had always been so full of life and sparkled whenever she smiled. He hadn't seen her smile in months, everything that he had missed because he was too caught up in himself was hitting him now as he looked at the woman that he called his best friend. 'Dixie,' he said softly as she walked past him but she just shook her head and went into the bathroom. Jeff slowly got up and stood outside Dixie's door, she was going to have to come back from the bathroom sooner or later.

Dixie stood behind the bathroom door, she had finished in there but she knew that Jeff would be outside and she wasn't sure what he was going to do or say next. She sighed, she was going to have to get herself ready for the day, she couldn't put it off. Dixie pushed the handle down and she went out into the hall, sure enough Jeff was still waiting for her. 'Dixie?' He was stood in front of her door so she couldn't avoid him. 'Dixie, please, talk to me.'

'Don't call me that.'

'Dixie, I don't understand.'

'I don't want you to call me that anymore.' She replied without any emotion.

'Oh, okay.' Dixie heard the hurt in Jeff's voice and there was a part of her that was pleased, she wanted him to feel the pain that he had caused her. 'I just want to know that you're all right.'

'Do you even care?'

'You know that I do.'

'No, I don't. Over the past eight weeks you haven't given a shit about me. I fell down the stairs and you didn't get up to come and see if I was all right. You've insulted me, hit me and made me feel worthless. I've done everything that I can for you and all you've done is throw it back in my face. I've had enough, I slept in the same bed with you to try and comfort you and all you did was push me away and hit me with your casts, it was probably on purpose knowing you.' Dixie pushed past Jeff and limped into her room, she was going to have to get ready as the district nurses would be here soon. She had called them the day before to ask for help, she was defeated and couldn't cope with Jeff anymore, she didn't want to do it, but, what choice had he left her?

Jeff followed Dixie into her room and he just stood behind her. 'What do you mean that I hit you when you slept in my bed?'

'See for yourself.'

Dixie took her top off and his eyes roamed over the bruises that marred the skin on her chest and stomach, he looked away after a couple of seconds, he really had been hurting her. Jeff reached his hand out to Dixie and she flinched back from him as if he was going to hit her again. He lowered his hand and then dropped his head, Dixie was scared of him, he saw it in her eyes.

'I'll leave you alone now.'

Jeff turned and left Dixie's room, he quietly closed the door behind him and went into his own room, he sat down on his bed; bitter tears ran down his face. He looked in the mirror, what kind of man lashes out at his best friend? What kind of man hits a woman? Dixie had asked him not to call her Dixie any more, that hurt more than her not speaking to him. He had always called her Dixie, was it her way of telling him that they weren't friends anymore? Jeff wiped away the tears that were falling down his face, he had lost his best friend and it hurt. He wanted to go in there and beg Dixie for her forgiveness, but, he knew that it was going to take a lot more than begging.

Dixie changed her clothes and she put on the makeup that would hide the bruise on her cheek and the dark circles under her eyes from where she hadn't slept. She heard the knock on the door as she finished sorting herself out. Dixie walked carefully down the stairs and then she opened the door.

'Hello, I'm Charlotte and this is Mary, we're the district nurses you asked for.' Both of the district nurses showed their badges and then Dixie stood back to allow them to enter. 'Come in.'

'From what you told us on the phone we understand that your husband needs care because he has two broken arms.'

Dixie nodded, she couldn't believe she was doing this, but, she needed space from Jeff, she couldn't continue to care for him at the moment, he had hurt her emotionally and physically.

'Yeah. I need to go out so I need someone to look after him while I'm not here.'

'That's not a problem, we can take care of him for you.'

'All right, thank you. I should warn you that he can be very difficult, he is an independent man and doesn't like to be cared for.'

'That's not a problem, I assure you that we've seen it all before.'

'Okay, I'll just let him know that I'm going and then he's all yours.'

'Don't worry Mrs Collier, we will take care of him.' Dixie nodded and tried to smile, she had to do this, she needed a break.  
Jeff heard the voices downstairs, who was Dixie talking too? He heard Dixie's steps on the stairs and he looked up at her when she came into his room. 'I have to go out,' there wasn't any emotion or warmth in Dixie's voice at all. 'The district nurses are downstairs and they are going to look after you.' Jeff just looked at Dixie, he didn't want them looking after him, he only wanted Dixie to take care of him. 'Where are you going?'

'To see Polly, she's asked me to go round to hers for a coffee before she goes to work. I'm taking Little Abs with me.'

'Oh, okay, do you know when you will be back?'

'No, I don't.' Jeff just nodded, he didn't know what else to say.

'Dix...' Jeff stopped himself; he remembered that he wasn't supposed to call her that any more. 'I am sorry for everything that I've done. I know it isn't enough. I can see how much I've hurt you.'

'You're right, it isn't enough.' Dixie spat back before she left the room and he just stared after her, he was looking at the very real possibility of losing his best friend for good. Tears ran down Jeff's face, he didn't want to lose Dixie, she meant everything to him. He heard her talking to the nurses and then the front door open and close.

'Dixie, don't go, I need you,' Jeff whispered through his tears. 'I'm so sorry, please don't leave me, please come back.' He wanted her to come back inside so he could apologise properly for everything he had done to her. He wanted to run out after her and make her come back so he could talk to her and make her see how sorry he was, but, all he could do was watch her walk down the street with Little Abs on his lead.


	18. Chapter 18

**A /N – Here is the next instalment, I must be mad updating twice in one day, but, as I have left it for sooooo long, I figured I would make the effort. Hope you enjoy, Jeff meets the Nurses! **

Jeff stood looking out of his bedroom window, silent tears falling from his eyes as he watched Dixie sort out Abs on his lead before checking through her bag. He wanted to run down the stairs and after her, but, he couldn't, he wouldn't get further than the front door as he couldn't yet open it with his hands in the casts. He had no choice but to watch her limp down the road fighting against an excitable Abs.

'Dixie, please don't leave me, please babe, I need you so much.' Jeff whispered as he rested his head against the window pane as she disappeared from his view. Jeff closed his eyes taking in some deep breaths to compose himself, he had visions of Dixie coming back, handing him divorce papers, worse still, he had visions of her not coming back, never coming back. What am I going to do to make her see that I do care about her, that I do love her and don't want to lose her?

'Mr Collier?' Jeff turned around to see two strangers stood in the doorway. He spent a minute looking them over, he didn't want them in his house, he didn't want them looking after him, he wanted Dixie to do that.

'Who are you?' He said as he composed himself some more.

'I am Charlotte and this is Mary, your wife called us in to look after you while she was out.'

'Did she now.'

'Yes, so Mr Collier shall we get you clean and changed?'

'You are coming nowhere near me, you two can just sod off, I don't need your help.' Jeff was in no mood for them, he didn't want them helping him, he didn't deserve to be helped. He wanted to stay in the same clothes that he wore yesterday, not have a bath or shave or anything, he didn't want caring for, Dixie needed it more than him right now.

'Mr Collier, we need to sort you out, your wife has said that you need some clean clothes on, a shave and a bath, so, shall we?' Charlotte replied motioning towards the door.

Jeff spent the next few minutes scowling at the pair, he didn't want them anywhere near him, he was going to make it difficult for them so they would just give up and have to phone Dixie to come home. Yes, that's what I will do, he thought. It sounded very childish as he played it back in his head, but, if he was stubborn, they would just give up and leave him forcing his Dixie to come home and look after him, then, he could start to make it up to her. Jeff eyed the two nurses, Charlotte was taller than Mary and was doing all the talking, Jeff glanced at Mary, she seemed to look a little softer in her features, she was the easy target.

'Come on Mr Collier, let's go into the bathroom and get you washed.' Charlotte said as her and Mary moved closer to Jeff taking him swiftly by the arms, marching him into the bathroom.

Charlotte left Jeff with Mary in the bathroom while she went back into the bedroom to find Jeff some clean clothes in the drawers, Jeff took this as an opportunity to show Mary he was in control and she couldn't make him do what he didn't want to do. Mary started to run the bath before she turned to Jeff to begin to remove his clothes, like he had done with Dixie; he turned himself into a dead weight refusing to help in anyway.

'Mr Collier, I need you to cooperate with me.'

Jeff said nothing but just sat there.

'You are going to make this really hard and painful on yourself if you don't.' Mary replied. Yet again, Jeff said nothing.

'Well, you are going to have a bath if you like it or not. We do not want your wife coming home to find you still in the same clothes as yesterday do we?'

'Why? You worried that she will report you for not doing your job properly?'

'Quite the opposite Mr Collier, now, come on.'

Mary tried to remove Jeff's clothing from his body, he let her remove his socks, but that was about it. He pinned his arms down to the side as weighted his feet back to the floor, he focussed on the small picture by the door and nothing else.

'Mr Collier, you need to have a bath and shave, stop behaving like a stubborn child who has lost his sweets and cooperate like a grown man should.' Mary was firm in her tone, but she didn't shout at him, in some ways, Jeff wanted her to.

It wasn't long before Charlotte came back in to see Mary struggling with Jeff. She dropped his clothes onto the floor before going over to them.

'Mr Collier, I don't know what you are thinking behaving like this today, but, we are certainly not going to stand for your insolence. You have no reason to be behaving like this, absolutely none at all.'

'What do you even know about me?'

'We have read your file Mr Collier and spoken with Mrs Collier. We know you were injured at work, we know you are a Paramedic, we also know that your hip has healed and you are more mobile now than you were a few weeks ago, we also know that your casts are coming off in two weeks' time so you will have some more of your independence back. We also know that your wife is struggling looking after you.'

'She said that did she?'

'No, but you just did.'

Jeff sat staring at Charlotte, she was right, Dixie was struggling and it was all down to him.

'You have no right to talk to me about how my wife is feeling, absolutely none at all.'

'Mr Collier, we see many people each day, men and women alike with a range of injuries, most much more severe than yours, but, do you know what makes them stand out over you? The fact they are grateful towards everyone who helps them, the fact that they accept the help even if they don't want it, or if it damages their pride. We have seen men without their clothes on before you; we have had to feed men, clean them after being to the toilet, put up with abuse from them. You are much more fortunate than they are Mr Collier. Your wife has done a brilliant job of looking after you and meeting your needs. I bet you haven't once thanked her for it have you?'

Mary didn't hold back as she started her tirade at Jeff, she knew from the way he hung his head in shame that he hadn't thanked Dixie at all.

'Right, come on Mr Collier, I have had enough of your mopping and self pity, there are people a lot worse off than you I can tell you. Now, let's get these clothes off and get you washed.'

Jeff meekly nodded as he let the nurses take off his shirt and shave him. They didn't do it like Dixie did, they were rough and he didn't like feeling their touch on his skin. Dixie would always put the foam on carefully before she shaved him, Dixie always worked slowly and carefully around his face taking care not to cut him. The nurses didn't seem too bothered when they nipped him.

Once they had shaved him and dried his face off, they turned to make him stand up to remove his trousers, again, Jeff didn't put up a fight, he let them, he was defeated, they had brought the whole situation thundering home to him, he had no right to be sad or stubborn, he was lucky, lucky to be alive and lucky to have Dixie, although, he wasn't sure if she still wanted him.

Jeff was pulled out of his thoughts as Charlotte went to remove his boxers.

'No, please don't.'

'Mr Collier, I have seen it all before and you need a bath, we cannot bath you in your undies now can we?'

'Please, just wash my top half, please.' Jeff was begging now, he didn't want them to see him, to wash him; he only wanted Dixie to do that, assuming she ever came home to him.

'Mr Collier, you are how old? 38, 40? We know you are independent, but this isn't helping is it?'

Mary spoke up again, the soft touch was turning into a hard nut to crack, and Jeff had given up. He had no choice as they stripped him of his boxers and guided him into the bath. He sat their motionless as they bathed him thinking of Dixie, was she safe? Did she get to Polly's OK? Was she OK? How was he going to make this up to her?

'How did you get that injury on your cheek Mr Collier?' Charlotte asked softly as she dried Jeff off.

'Long story.'

'If you don't mind my saying, it looks like a hand mark.'

Jeff nodded.

'Did Mrs Collier do that to you?'

'I deserved it, trust me, you won't want to help me once you know what I have done to her.'

Charlotte guided Jeff back into his room and dressed him. She had picked out a pair of light grey trousers and a dark blue shirt for him to wear; she sprayed some of his scent onto him as she placed his feet in his shoes. She could see Jeff was struggling, so sat by him.

'We are not just here to clean you up Mr Collier, if you want to share anything with us; we are here to help you.'

Jeff looked away, what could he say to her?

'We know Mrs Collier was finding it hard, she was distraught on the phone last night. Mary spoke to her, she asked for help then changed her mind several times, she felt like she was letting you down by giving up so easily. We could tell that she didn't want to call us Mr Collier.'

'I have been horrible to her.' Jeff mumbled as he looked to the floor.

'Mr Collier, suffering any form of injury is hard on a couple. When one is forced to look after the other, it does put a strain on things.'

'You don't understand. I blamed her for it all, I blamed her for letting me go into that building, I told her it is her fault for me ending up like this and she was going to pay for it.'

'I don't quite follow you Mr Collier.'

'She is my boss at work, she is a Paramedic as well and my line manager. She told me not to go in, but I did and I am taking out my feelings of self-pity on her. Do you know that she had to strip off with me just to get me to have a bath? She has cooked and cleaned for me and all I have done is shout and swear at her. She fell down the stairs the other day and all I did was shout at her for not keeping on top of the housework. She missed another appointment with the Asthma Specialist because I was tired and she nearly died in front of me yesterday after having a major attack. I have hit her in bed at night with my casts and given her several hidings around her face when I don't get my own way. This on my face, she finally snapped and hit me. I deserve everything and more thrown back at me, I don't deserve her help or your help anymore. She won't even let me call her Dixie she hates me that much.'

Jeff broke down as he admitted everything to Charlotte. She placed an arm around him to try and calm him down.

'I am going to lose her, I know I am.'

'How much do you love her?' Jeff looked up as Mary was standing at the door, arms folded scowling at him. Jeff hung his head in shame, he was behaving like a child, she was going to treat him as one.

'Lots.'

'Well, Mr Collier, there is no doubt in our minds that you have screwed up with Mrs Collier and you have a lot of making up to do.'

'But, how am I going to do it? She won't let me near her now, every time I go to touch her she flinches thinking I am going to hit her again. She won't let me sleep in the same bed as her, call her by her name. She hates me.'

'Those things are not going to go away overnight Mr Collier, you need to be patient and know this will take time. If you truly love your wife, you will make it up to her.' Charlotte replied softly stroking Jeff's arm.

'Can I make a suggestion?' Mary said waiting for Jeff to nod at her.

'Take her away, find a luxury cottage somewhere romantic with a massive four poster bed, make her feel special and loved. I don't think you need me to fill in the blanks of how you can use the bed with your wife, but, rekindle your relationship with her.'

Jeff had to stop himself from screwing up his face in disgust, he didn't have that relationship with Dixie, how could he explain that one to the nurses, but, at the same time, she was right, he needed to take Dixie away and if a luxury cottage and a massive four poster bed where they could spend time with each other was the way to do it, that is what he would do. Taking a deep breath, Jeff looked to both Charlotte and Mary.

'Will you help me start to make it up to her?'

_**A / N – Not as good as Raven Sahdowrose's chapter, but I hope you liked it. **_


	19. Chapter 19

**A / N – Thank you for all the kind reviews to the last chapter, I hope that you enjoy this one, time to see how Dixie is feeling about the whole situation. Do you think their relationship can be saved? Or, has Jeff done too much damage? Time to see what Dixie thinks. Enjoy xx**

Dixie wondered along the streets of Holby with Abs walking excitedly next to her. He seemed to like the fact that Dixie was taking him out, it was usually Jeff that did while she was cooking dinner or doing some washing. He was being careful though not to go too quickly, he could sense that his mummy was in pain and was going slow looking up at her every now and again to make sure she was alright.

Dixie as on autopilot, she wasn't thinking about where her feet were leading her, all she was thinking about was Jeff. She didn't know how she felt about him anymore, he used to be so kind and caring towards her, yeah, he would lose his temper, but rarely at her. Dixie thought back over all the times they had argued before the accident, it was only over something small, but they made up quickly usually with a pint, bar of chocolate and a hug. She doubted very much that the last 8 weeks could be fixed with a pint and box of chocolates.

She couldn't work out what she was going to do with him now. Their relationship was in pieces, it had come crashing down around them in a blink of an eye, could it be fixed? Dixie wasn't so sure if she wanted it to be fixed, if too much damage had been done. She didn't want to leave Jeff, but, what choice had he given her? She didn't know if she wanted to go home to him just yet or at all, everything had been torn apart, everything she had with Jeff had now been ripped from her.

There were so many questions in her head that needed answering, and, even if she did get answers to them, a decision had to be made. As much as it upset her to think about it, Dixie had to be honest with herself, was it time to leave Jeff for good?

Dixie found herself walking into the Ambulance Station with Abs in tow, she headed for her Office, she didn't know why she went there, but, she felt safe there, a lot safer than she currently felt in her own home. As she approached the door, Josh was in there with Polly; they were both looking over a piece of paper as Dixie walked in.

The pair of them jumped as Little Abs barked at them.

'Hey Abs, long time no see.' Polly said as she walked over to the dog stroking him letting him lick her face. 'What are you and your Mummy doing here then?'

'Came out for a walk and my feet just brought me here.' Dixie replied without any feeling as Polly took Abs from her.

'Dix, what's wrong?' She asked concern evident in the young technician's voice.

Dixie shrugged her shoulders.

'Come and sit down Dix, we will make you a cup of tea and give Abs some water and you can talk to us if you want to.'

Dixie simply nodded as Josh guided her to a chair making sure she was comfortable. Polly returned with three mugs of tea and a bowl of water, after she had handed them out, she took a seat next to her friends side.

'Dix, what has happened?' Polly asked once more softening her tone. She could see Dixie's eyes watering, for the first time in 8 weeks, Josh and Polly really looked at Dixie, she was a shadow of her former self, Jeff had broken her. She looked worse than she did a few nights back when they came to the house to treat her, what had been happening to Dixie behind closed doors?

'Dixie, you can tell us, we won't judge or anything, we just want to help you.' Josh offered placing his hand on Dixie's leg. She looked up at him, could she do it? Could she tell them? Was she betraying Jeff if she did?

'It's nothing, just me being hormonal that's all.' Dixie said trying to brush away their concern. It seemed wrong to her to be discussing her personal life, but, was this what she needed?

'Dix, come on, I know you, you never get hormonal. PMT is not in your vocabulary.'

Dixie chuckled at Polly; she was going to have to try a lot harder if she was to convince them that everything was OK. Did she have the energy to do that or was it just easier to cave in a tell them everything?

'How is your ankle and back Dix?' Josh asked.

'Still a bit painful, but, I have taken some painkillers, so it isn't so bad at the moment.'

'Let me take a look.' Josh said as he removed Dixie's trainer and sock to take a closer look. The bruising had come out and it was certainly less swollen than the other night, but, as she hadn't been resting it, the ankle was taking longer to heal.

'Dix, have you been resting?' He asked as he lightly ran his hand over the injury.

'Yeah, like I get time to do that Josh.' She replied sarcastically.

'I mean it Dix, you should have this elevated and be staying off it. Jeff is more mobile now; surely he can take up some of the slack?' Josh replied resting Dixie's foot on the table.

'That would mean he would actually have to do something.' Dixie replied without even thinking. She realised what she had said as soon as the last word left her mouth, mentally cursing herself for letting it slip.

'Dix, I am worried about you. You look pale, tired, and I don't care what you say; no amount of makeup is hiding the fact that you are exhausted nor is it hiding that mark on your face. I know you didn't hit it on the stairs like you said, Jeff did that to you didn't he?' Polly turned Dixie's face to look into her own as she spoke; the softness of her voice was enough to tip Dixie over the edge. Polly held her friend close to her as she cried into her shoulder, what else could she do?

'I've tried so hard for him Pol, I really have. I don't know what else I can do for him, no matter what I do, he isn't happy.'

'Dixie, we are not going to judge you, but, you need to open up and tell us what is going on in your head so we can help you.' Josh said as he handed Dixie a box of tissues.

'I can't.'

'Why not?'

'I can't betray him.'

'You are not betraying him, if anything, he has betrayed you. Dixie, you can't keep this all bottled up inside, you need to talk to someone. You have spent the last 8 weeks at home looking after Jeff, who is looking after you because you certainly aren't.'

'I am his wife Pol, I should be able to cope with him, I know that man better than anyone else here, I should be able to cope, but I can't anymore. I just can't.'

Polly and Josh exchanged worried looks before encouraging Dixie to open up, they knew she needed to do this, to let it all out, if she did, they could help her.

'You know the day it happened? I told him not to go in, I begged him not to go in, but, you know Jeffrey, always wanting to be the superhero, always wanting to try. I was so scared that he had killed himself going in that building, every time they brought someone out that wasn't him, I thought I was never going to see him again.'

'Dixie, it wasn't your fault, you told him not to go in, the Trust have sided with you and will be disciplining Jeff for going against your instructions.' Josh offered to try and make Dixie see she wasn't to blame.

'But they have given him a written warning?' What do you mean they will be disciplining him?'

'They want to speak to him once he is better and back at work, I think they want to review his actions with him, it is nothing to worry about Dix, he won't lose his job.'

Dixie paled; the Trust had given Jeff a full written warning that will be going on his file, as far as they were concerned, that was it, but, obviously Jeff had gone too far. Dixie couldn't work out if she was bothered by this or not, Jeff had made his own bed, now he had to lie in it.

'Dixie, do you remember what we spoke about while Jeff was in hospital? Do you remember being worried about caring for him? I told you that you could do it and you have done it, that man has been well cared for, but, at the expense of you. Dixie, I want to help, we want to help. Tell us, please.' Polly looked deep into Dixie's vacant eyes, she hated seeing her like this and waned to help.

'I knew it was going to be hard, I really did. Jeff and I don't have that sort of relationship where we see each other without our clothes on, yeah, I see him walking around in his boxers, but, that is about it, he has never seen me in my underwear. I have had to strip off to get him undressed for a bath, I have helped him to and from the toilet, cooked for him, cleaned for him, taken him to appointments, helped him with his physio, slept in the same bed as him in case he needed me. I don't know what I have done wrong for him to hate me so much.'

Dixie broke down once more, Polly went in to give her friend a cuddle while Abs came over nuzzling his head into Dixie's side.

'Jeff doesn't hate you Dixie.' Josh said softly.

'He does Josh, he tells me every second of every day that he blames me for this, he calls me a stupid cow, a bitch, a worthless waste of space, he has walked in on me when I have been in the bath or on the loo, he doesn't care about my privacy or needs, he just thinks about himself and if I am not there when he calls, I get a good hiding for it. This bruise on my face, Jeff did it, he hit me after you left us that evening Josh, he hit me twice in the same place. As we sleep of a night, I get hit with his casts; I am covered in bruises from him. The night I called you after falling down the stairs, he didn't care, you saw it yourselves, he moaned about the housework and just walked off. I stayed up the whole bloody night cleaning for him, stayed with him all day at the hospital, missed my own appointment with the Asthma specialist because he wanted to go home. I am being punished for letting him walk into that building, it is my fault, I should have done more to stop him. He hates me, he really does.'

Dixie sobbed into Polly's side as the two tried to take in everything that she had said, they could both feel their blood boiling, how dare Jeff do these things to Dixie.

'I don't know what to do Pol. I don't know what to do.'

'What do you mean?'

'I couldn't take it anymore, we had a massive argument last night, I threw a plate at him and slapped him hard on his face. I couldn't breathe Polly, my asthma was playing up, I couldn't breathe. I was scared Pol, really scared.'

'Hang on, are you saying that all of this brought on an asthma attack and you haven't had yourself checked out?' Josh said firmly as Dixie nodded.

'I am not having this Dixie.' Josh said as he stood up and left the room.

'Josh, please, come back.' She tried to call after him, but, he had long gone, leaving her, Abs and Polly in the room.

'Dixie, why didn't you say?'

'How can I Polly.'

'We knew Jeff was treating you badly, we could see it when we came to your house the other night, why are you letting him treat you like this?'

'Because I don't have the energy to fight him anymore Pol. I don't know how I feel about him anymore.'

Soon enough, Josh returned with a peak flow for Dixie to take, she blew into it three times and he recorded her measurements, he also phoned through to the Asthma Clinic and booked her an emergency appointment for that afternoon.

'You didn't need to Josh.'

'Yes I did, if Jeff isn't going to look after you then we are. I am coming with you as well, so there will be no excuses.'

'What is it Dix?' Polly asked seeing her friend look to the floor as Jeff's name was mentioned.

'I don't know if I can go back to him.' Dixie admitted feeling tears cascading down her face.

'What do you mean?'

'What do we have left Pol as a couple anymore? Nothing. How can I go back to him if he is going to treat me like this? I don't know how I feel about him anymore, our relationship has been destroyed by one stupid incident, he has hurt me too much, I just don't think I can forgive him.'

'Dixie, I can't answer that question for you, only you can. You need to be honest with yourself, for not only you but for Jeff as well; do you want to go back to him? Do you think you can work with him to save your relationship?'

Polly and Josh looked at Dixie, neither could work out what was going around in her head, neither could work out from her facial expression what she was thinking, had it all gone too far? Could they help Dixie save her relationship with Jeff? Polly and Josh were not even sure if that is what Dixie wanted, all they could do was wait for her reply.

_**A / N – What do you think? Can their relationship be saved? Should it be saved or has Jeff gone one step too far? **_


	20. Chapter 20

'Polly, don't hang up, please don't hang up!'

Jeff ratted these words off as quickly as he could once Polly answered. He had overcome the first hurdle, she had answered his call, but the next – would she hang up?

It had taken a lot for him to ask for help, he hated it, but what choice did he have? Dixie had gone and he needed to get her back, he needed to make it up to her. Mary and Charlotte had been good so far, they have done way above their duty of chare, it was now down to him and him only to carry out the job in hand.

Here he was, sat on the sofa in the house he shared with Dixie holding his phone in one hand and the printouts in the other. He was ready to go out and start to put things right but he needed more help and that help came in the form of Polly.

'What do you want?' She spat down the phone. Jeff went to answer, but before he had chance, Polly had started to speak again. 'You have some nerve Jeff you really do. Dixie is a mess, I have never seen her like this before and it is all down to you. How could you hit her? Doesn't she mean anything to you anymore?'

'She means everything to me and you know it. That woman is my world Polly.'

'HA! Have you heard yourself?'

'Look, I know I have screwed up big time Pol but I am going to make it right, I can't lose her.'

'You may have already.'

Jeff froze at these words, what did she mean that he may have lost her already? His blood started to run cold and his thoughts turned to living out his days without his best friend by his side, had it really got that bad? What have I done? Jeff thought to himself. All he knew was that he couldn't let that one comment stop him, he needed to see Dixie, to show her how serious he was about putting this right. Taking a deep breath, he spoke as calmly as he could to Polly trying to stop his voice from shaking.

'Is she with you Pol? Is she safe?'

'What do you care?'

'Polly please, I know I deserve your temper and probably a hell of a lot more, but please, is she safe?'

Jeff heard Polly sigh down the end of the phone before she answered, he noticed how her tone had soften towards him.

'Yeah, she is safe, her and Abs are here at the Ambulance Station, well, Abs is, Josh has taken Dixie for her Asthma Appointment, you know, the one she cancelled yesterday so you could go home.'

Jeff recalled the appointment well, if only he hadn't have been so selfish, Dixie would have had her appointment and maybe she wouldn't have had the attack in front of him. Jeff felt guilty, he always went with her to these appointments, now, she was on her own with Josh, was this her way of saying she didn't need him anymore?

'What do you want Jeff?' Polly asked bringing Jeff back to the present.

'Can you come and pick me up so I can be there when she gets back? I have something I need to say and do. Please Pol.'

There was a long silence before Polly agreed to come and get him, Jeff thanked her over and over again before hanging up. He was struggling to cope without Dixie, she had only been gone a morning, but, he was having to find inventive ways of getting his phone to hang up, putting on his own jacket as well as picking up what he needed.

Jeff didn't need to wait for long before Polly pulled up in the RRV, she stayed in the car while Jeff struggled to open the front door and close it behind him, she watched on as he fumbled with his house keys to lock the front door without dropping what he was holding.

Polly had to use all her willpower to stay in the car and watch Jeff struggle, part of her wanted to help him, but the other, overriding feeling was to make him struggle, maybe then he would realise exactly how much Dixie had done for him. She continued to watch as he made his way down the drive and to the car, she said nothing as he opened the door and got in trying to shut it behind him, which, after three attempts, he managed.

'Put your seatbelt on then, I don't think receiving a fine from the Police will help your cause do you?'

Jeff noticed how cold Polly was being towards him, but, he decided he would do as he was told and buckled up. It was harder than he thought it would be, but Polly didn't help him. He was well and truly on his own. This was brought home to him again when they stopped outside he florists, Polly refused to get out of the RRV so Jeff was left to struggle on his own.

She was finding it harder to not go and help him, this was really going against the sort of person she was, but, he had hurt Dixie, physically and emotionally, could she forgive him for that if Dixie couldn't? Polly tried to distract herself from looking at Jeff trying to fish out his bank card so he could pay for the flowers before trying to pick everything up by filling in the mileage sheet attached to the clipboard in the door. She didn't even look up as Jeff got back into the RRV.

The drive to the ambulance bay was silent, she could sense Jeff was nervous and he had every reason to be, it wasn't long before Polly cracked.

'She told us everything Jeff.'

Polly looked over as Jeff hung his head in shame.

'How could you do that to her? Shall I tell you what she said to us?'

Jeff shrugged his shoulders.

'She doesn't know if your relationship is worth saving, she doesn't know if it can be saved. Jeff, she is thinking of leaving you and starting again.'

Jeff's head shot up like a lightning bolt making eye contact with Polly who had pulled over in layby, 'no, she can't, no, no, she can't leave me.'

'What choice have you given her?'

'I know, I don't blame her for saying these things Pol, but, I need her to know that she does mean something to me, that I am sorry.'

'I just hope she is in a better state to see you Jeff. But, I warn you now, casts or no casts, Josh is after your head and so am I.'

Jeff nodded and returned to looking down at the floor as Polly continued the journey, this was going to either show her how much she means to him and how much their relationship is worth saving or it would be the final nail in the coffin he had made.

Dixie sat back down on the sofa in her office, the appointment had not gone well. She was told off for cancelling her appointment, told off for not taking her inhaler each day and for not coming in sooner after the attack. She was used to being told off for things, Jeff did it daily and usually followed it up with a hiding. Dixie found herself flinching as Josh placed a comforting hand on her arm while her specialist let rip at her, she never normally would have done, but, she was convinced she was for the high jump. Is this what Jeff had done to her?

She was thinking over the events of the last eight weeks one more time, her head was a mess and she still couldn't answer her question – could their relationship be saved? Dixie felt a new wave of tears threaten to fall, she couldn't let that happen, so took herself off into the Rec Room to make a drink. That is where Josh found her, sat staring at the wall with a mug of tea in her hand. He looked at her, she was no longer like the Dixie he knew all those years ago, the Dixie who knew how to wind him up, she was an empty shell, all her spark had gone. He didn't know what to say to her, he couldn't answer her question – only she herself could do that.

Josh looked up as the RRV pulled into the station, he saw Polly get out, he wondered where she had been, she didn't have a shout, but, his question was answered when the passenger door opened revealing Jeff who was openly struggling to hold a rather large bouquet of flowers.

'What the hell does he want?' Josh said loud enough so Dixie was snapped out of her trance. She looked at him confused before turning to face the doors. She was even more baffled when she saw Polly rounding up the crew, ushering them into the Rec Room, what on earth was going on?

'Polly, what is happening?' Dixie asked looking around at everyone who was standing around the room, she felt like she was on display and was going to be asked to perform to them like some kind of monkey.

She was even more worried when Polly didn't answer, but the door banged open rather unceremoniously. Dixie's face lost all of its colour, she recognised that body. She felt herself starting to shake as she watched Jeff struggle to walk towards her, he was trying to carry a large bouquet of while Lilies and a few sheets of paper. Did he really think her favourite flowers were going to make everything right between them? Was this a genuine gesture or one that would end badly once he found out what she had said? She continued to look on as Jeff got nearer to her before gently dropping the flowers onto her lap. She looked down at them before looking up at his face. Dixie made no attempt to stop the tears from flowing down her face, she didn't know what to do. More to the point, she didn't know what Jeff was going to do.

Jeff saw Dixie was crying and he wanted so much to wipe them away, but, he didn't want to rush anything, he knew that she would flinch away from his hand the moment he lifted it, it would take a long time to rebuild her trust in him and to get her to see he wasn't going to hit her anymore. Slowly, he lowered himself down so he was on his knees in front of his best friend. He looked around making sure everyone was looking and listening making brief eye contact with Josh who glared at him in disgust. Taking a deep breath, Jeff started to talk, he had rehearsed this over and over again, and he knew the words that were about to leave his mouth carried consequences.

'Thanks for being here everyone. I know I am the last person some of you want to see here or even see this close to Dixie, but, I need to say something and I want you all to hear it. '

Jeff turned to Dixie, he was more than willing to beg on his knees in front of everyone, it was now or never.

'Kathleen Collier, I know I have been a nasty piece of work since I disobeyed your instruction and went into that Shopping centre. I have taken my bad mood and self-pity out on you and I shouldn't have done. You have cared for me nonstop, done everything for me at the expense of your own health and wellbeing. I have completely let you down and shown no regard for you at all. Last night scared me so much, it really did, I thought I was going to lose you that you were going to die in front of me. I was powerless to help you. I know I caused that, I am ashamed that it took you being seriously ill for me to see that. Everyone, I have been the worst friend and husband to her going and I deserve your unkind words. I wouldn't blame you Josh if you wanted to take me outside and beat seven shades out of me, I deserve it and more for what I have done. '

Jeff took a moment to look around at Josh who was still fixing his glare on him. It was now or never.

'I know you told me this morning not to call you Dixie anymore, so, I don't really know what I am to call you now. I would call you Mrs Collier, but, I don't think you would appreciate being associated with me after what I have done. I only call you Kathleen when I am cross with you, but, I tell you now, I will never call you that or be cross with you again. So, I guess I will just have to tell you now, in front of everyone here, how sorry I am for shouting at you, swearing at you, making you clean and tidy everything up, making you miss your appointments, for hitting you in bed at night and when I was mad with you. You did not do anything to deserve what I have done to you. I am sorry, really sorry. I know that this isn't going to make everything right, I know that these flowers are not going to make it all go away, but, I have to start somewhere.'

Jeff looked into Dixie's eyes, she was looking down at the flowers fiddling with the petals as he spoke, but, he could see from her eyes, she was listening. He turned to everyone once more.

'I want you all to know how sorry I am. I do not expect any of you to make this easy for me, but be there for Dixie at least. Babe, I don't want you to leave me, I know I have brought our whole relationship crashing down around us. But, please, I want to save it, I want to work at rebuilding it. You mean so much to me, please don't leave me. I am begging you, please say you will give us another chance, I promise I will be a better friend, a better husband, I will do anything you want me to do.'

Jeff slowly moved his hand up to Dixie's face, tilting her chin up so she was looking into his eyes, 'Please, I am begging you, please let me make it up to you.'


End file.
